God, you're so cool and edgy, bro! Bro, everyone loves when you shove politics into things, bro. Your hot takes are always so fucking on point, bro! I fucking love it!
The other day, bro, I was getting groceries and the cashier asked "paper or plastic?" and another bro behind me chimed in and said "OR sleepy Joe and fascist Kamala?!" and I creamed my fucking pants right there in the store.
Tell me more, bro. You got me so fucking hot, bro. Let's go to a child's birthday party and interrupt the happy birthday song by shouting about America's foreign policy. They'll be so fucking impressed, bro. And then we can make out over the birthday cake while we explain the failures of capitalism, bro.
God, I'm so hard now, bro. Please, bro. PLEASE! Make me cream myself, bro. Make me cream myself to the sounds of your hot fucking takes on the geopolitical climate, bro! Bro!