AITA for not telling my mom I was writing a book until right before I was ready to publish?
AITA for not telling my mom I was writing a book until right before I was ready to publish?
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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Inevitable_Dentist_5 on 2023-09-04 14:56:43.
This is my first time posting, so please be gentle. My (41f) mother (60f) and I have an okay relationship. It’s been getting better since I have been grown, had children and done some healing from my childhood and early adulthood. I wrote a book, under a pen name, that details some of my experiences and how I overcame the trauma of those events. Some of these events are about my mom and some are about healing from other things in life, like abuse, cancer, etc. I don’t paint my mother in a horrible light but I tell my story from my truth, when it pertains to her. When I get to the healing part of the journey I even express empathy and understanding as to why my mom did some of the things she did.
My mom has a habit of making EVERYTHING about her. It is tiring, and I am experienced enough with her at this point to navigate in such a way that allows her to be herself (she hasn’t done much healing of her own) and remain apart of my life. I have two children that she adores and I don’t want to cut them off from their only grandmother.
So, once I was ready for publication, I told my mom, because I am not heartless and didn’t want to blindside her. I sent her a proof to read, even though I don’t use anyone’s real names, she is PISSED. She said I make her look like a monster, (she literally was one of the monsters in my story for a long time) and if I publish this book she will never speak to me and write me out of her will. I am her only living child. I don’t care about the will but she is threatening to not talk to me. My siblings passed away and it’s just me and her left.
Now I am wondering if I should not publish. I didn’t write the book to paint her in a bad light. She isn’t even the main trauma. I wrote the book because people that know me would always say, “you should write a book, it could really help others.” So one day, I did just that.
AITA or is my mom making herself the center again and manipulating me out of publishing my hard work.
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Your friends said you should write a book; you did. But writing a book doesn't necessarily mean publishing a book.
You have a very tough choice. Is it worth losing your relationship with your mother, even if it's in the short term?