Skip Navigation
Science Fiction @lemmy.world blue_berry @feddit.de

Colonize the Open Web

fungiverse.wordpress.com Colonize the Open Web

In the frigid vastness of space, the R.L.S. Legacy soared like a sleek comet. Led by the indomitable Captain Jim Hawkins, whose eyes sparkled with stardust and ambition, he and his crew forged thei…

Colonize the Open Web

cross-posted from: https://feddit.de/post/6258115

New story, I hope you like it. Feedback always welcome.

4

You're viewing a single thread.

4 comments

  • I like this one :), much easier for me to follow and connect with than the Taylor swift one a while back

    I have some thoughts and feedback:

    You made really good use of imagery and gave colorful interesting descriptions for things, but I'd say sometimes too frequently. If everything gets a really complicated flowery description, I think it can make things feel overly dramatic and a little fatiguing to read; sometimes you may be better served by simple or more mundane feeling descriptions and characterizations, even if only to keep things varied and improve readability (it can also change the tone, but sometimes super dramatic and grand is what you're going for, and sometimes its not. Or sometimes you're looking for to contrast the grandeur of it from a superficial standpoint with the gritty reality underneath- it just depends)

    I like the story (big fan of treasure planet, I really need to rewatch it sometime!) but I do wish it left me with some kind of new thought or questions about where I am today, or what the future might be like. The story felt like it followed a fairly familiar path that didn't take my thought process somewhere new, which I think is a big part of the power of sci-fi

    Overall though, I really enjoyed this one, despite my critiques. Thanks for sharing ☺️

    • Thanks. So nice to hear some feedback <3

      You are right about the story. I crafted the whole thing a bit more hasty than the last ones. It should be longer and have an actual story and maybe some new characters. I also need to improve my writing. I tried a more playful style for this one, because its adventerous and so on, but its too inconsistent.

      I'm thinking about extending and re-writing it, but am not sure if I will find the time. Thanks anyways :)

      • You're very welcome ☺️ I don't always have the mental energy to read a thing, but I look forward to seeing more in the future and seeing how your style evolves!