Why does “come here” bother me so much?
Why does “come here” bother me so much?
Ok, I have no idea why this bothers me and I don’t even know what to call it. My husband is a “come here” guy. Something he thinks is interesting and wants to show me - hey, come here! Nuclear apocalypse - hey, come here! Why the hell wont he just tell me why he wants me to get up, trudge to wherever he is, so that he can reveal the surprise like some sort of performative art ? I never know if it’s going to be legitimate, a disaster, or something stupid. The walk to wherever he is is insanely stressful because the whole time I’m running through all possible horrible scenarios (we’ve had a lot of issues at the house lately so I never know if I’m going to find water in the basement or raccoons in the attic or a hole in my foundation, or just him looking at a funny cat video). I’d rather he say “hey, babe, something is happening wherever/whatever, come see this.” Instead I have to have the whole performance and reveal and I fucking hate it. Anyone else know what I’m talking about or am I just mental ?
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Because when someone says "COME HERE" they're making the statement that whatever you're doing is pointless shit that can be dropped immediately.
I didn't tolerate that with my parents, and I sure as shit wouldn't tolerate it with a spouse. If you can't be bothered to give me a reason to go there, don't fucking tell me to go there.
"Hey, check this shit out!" - Fine. Implies it's on my own time. "Could you come in here?" - Fine. A request can be denied. "Come here." - I'm not your fucking dog.
True.
And I agree with you.
But there's also plenty of room in the equation for a simple benign intent, so responding with hostility and assuming the worst also seems counterproductive.
So I agree that OP should issue some sort of a challenge response, but perhaps not go quite so directly to "I'm not your fucking dog".
In this specific case, I feel like, "What is it?" is a perfectly acceptable and reasonable response, that puts the ball back in the other court to determine how the rest of the exchange will go and to shed light on the tone.
If you get a real answer, like "this cat on my phone is playing the piano" then you know it's innocent and well intentioned and can respond more softly and/or circumvent the issue.
On the other hand, if you get a response that addresses the request in a way like, "just get over here" then yes, draw your line in the sand and have an argument about respect.