As a transbian, Cis women and Lesbian Spaces scare me
As a transbian, Cis women and Lesbian Spaces scare me
I feel like I need to get this off my chest...
I started transitioning 5 years ago and at this point, I 100% pass, except for voice and a very slight beard shadow (that for some reason no one but me notices).
I feel completely scared about Lesbian spaces, and Cis women in particular. The few times I went out there (which was in the first 2 years of my transition), I've had horrible experiences.
It ranges from a few agonizing glances you get occasionally, up to outright comments about "this is a women only space btw".
I've also often noticed how cis lesbians seem to treat me differently when it comes to romantical and sexual interest. The moment it's revealed that I'm trans, things seem to shift. "Oh, I've never tried this", "oh, that's interesting, kinda", quite often there's the question about bottom surgery ("this might be a bit intimate to ask, but..."), and sometimes even outright ghosting or immediate disinterest.
I feel like this is the last, and yet hardest mountain to climb, to the point where I just feel too frustrated to even try, accepting the fact that, well... I will probably always remain a trans woman, and won't fit in to those societies that I so heavily relate to when I can keep my pseudonimity.
And yeah, T4T is a thing, it's pretty much the only thing I got going at this point...
Can anyone relate? Has anyone managed to overcome this hurdle?
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Transphobia in lesbian spaces is there I'm afraid, I feel like it is somewhat there, even if in a ""non-malignant"" kind of way, in any space with cis people just by virtue of societal values and a long list of etceteras. Best advice I can give, if possible find a space that is explicitly trans-inclusive, not just LGBTQ, but Trans in particular, you'll have more of a chance of lesbians there being more open and experienced being around trans people, not a silver bullet by any means, but it'll be a bit better.
So yeah, trust me can relate, we are all together climbing this mountain, just make sure you stop from time to time to rest at some safe spaces, we'll provide some needed break and some virtual hugs and support, best of luck to you in the climb sister!