Transfem

Just wanted to share my 8 months mark.

!Me wearing a cute, small, green tank top along with a black skirt. Red ribbon in my hair. Facing away from camera.

!Me wearing the same outfit, lying on my back in bed.

last post made me really euphoric with the compliments. I like feeling cute ^. I think maybe I'll keep posting on here from now on.

Not sure if this is the place to post, but I've moved a lot recently and there aren't really any queer folks where I live. I'm looking for some kind of discord or something to chat and vent and just feel a little less alone.

I'm pretty old and I've "completed" my transition, and I'm always happy to share my experiences or knowledge if people are interested.

And apologies if this isn't the right spot for this post.

Edit: And it has pockets!

How do I look? I've been feeling very euphoric with the new clothes but nervous if I pass or not..

But I've at least been feeling super cute lately and I try to push the doubts down. ^-

So this morning I wasn't able to stand without nearly passing out and thought for sure they weren't going to let me go home. I was really down and having some difficulty processing that I might need to be in the hospital for yet another extra day. It was really disheartening because I had actually been able to walk previous days but after the pain spikes I wasn't able to

I got a motivational call from someone close to me though, the hospital trans outreach person brought the emotional support chihuahua by a couple of times, and I built really specific plans with my nurses and doctors for ways I could get walking again

It took so much work and I was exhausted through the entire way but I managed to do it! Also bonus points I finally managed to poop which was a big event after five days of not 😐

They let me out of the hospital, one hour car ride back home with only some minor screaming pain toward the end, and I'm back on track again. I've walked around a couple more times today, like to go from bed to food to couch, I'm extremely exhausted, but we're back on track after the couple extra nights at the hospital

I get to bumble around with the catheter for a couple more days still but that will be out soon enough

Update 1: I used a walker but I got out of bed, across the house, and into a couch without help from caretakers! This is the first time I haven't needed someone to at least help lift my legs up once I'm at the target destination. Last night was mostly amazing I finally got more than like two hours of sleep at once (at hospital there were constantly people waking me up for various meds and tests). I did have one brief period of bladder spasms which felt pretty awful but now I know what they feel like for me early on so hopefully I can catch them early next time and get ahead of it. I'm really happy right now

Update 2: Yesterday went well I did a lot of good walking. I'm not doing the full suggested amount yet though I'm running into serious fatigue partway through the day. Today the primary goal is to get through not being able to do bladder spasms meds for 24 hours before catheter removal. So I'm staying really on top of pain meds basically, making sure to continue to shift off the heavy pills and move to tylenol and ibuprofen. Having to be laying down so much is really starting to set in some back pain so hopefully my endurance gets better quickly and I can move around give my back some variety

Update 3: As expected my bladder spasms are casually ignoring the pain meds so I'm trying to find out if there is anything that I can do other than suffering for the next 18 or so hours. Good news though is I made it up two stairs to get myself outside! I said hello to some bees and listened to the birds yelling at each other, smelled some lavender bushes, really helped with mental health

Update 4: If I wanted to torture someone I'd put a catheter in them then just wander off for a weekend. I've only got about 8 more hours before this cursed device comes out of me

@mtf Tell us one of your of your most Gender Affirming Experiences you've had :3

!me wearing a pink dress, face blurred

!me wearing pink dress and red bow in my hair. facing away from camera

@mtf Trans Pride Southampton 2024

We are running our 3rd Annual Trans Pride Event here in Southampton, UK. You are welcome to come along to it if you can attend.

29th June 2024

@mtf I grabbed a few on the way home :3

Currently laying in the hospital, like 18 hours post surgery. I didn't ever think I'd get here and there has been so much hardship but I'm here and so far recovery is going well. Obviously there is still a long way to go and there could be complications down the line but I'm happy and well right now

I've been able to have a full meal already and in a few hours they're going to see if I'm able to shuffle around. The nurses have all been so kind to me. When I went into the OR before I was under, they let me name the giant robot arm machine. Everyone here has been good I feel very cared for

Because all the meds and bandages my brain hasn't made the connection yet though which is exceptionally weird. I'm having phantom limb basically. I've read about that happening can't say it prepared me for how it actually feels in person though

Update 1: I was able to walk two times, the third attempt I almost passed out after standing up though. I've had some good hours of sleep but suddenly got very locked in feeling and anxious, my body is sore from laying down and not being mobile enough to get comfortable spiked my anxiety. They're going to give me a relaxant soon. Tomorrow we're going to try and get a good breakfast, a warm drink, some anti nausea, and see if I can walk around outside my room some. I think I'll be able to but it's going to be rough. Drinking lots of water because I'm off the drip now and need a ton of fluids still

Update 2: I walked like 15 feet and back! My entire day has been the singular goal of making sure I had as much going for me as I could to make that walk. Breathing exercises, nausea control, carefully timing different meds, staying well hydrated. It took everything I had but I did it and I'm feeling pretty good. Almost completely unassisted too only needed help moving after I got back to the bed and couldn't lift my legs back up. going to try and do it all again today and be ready for discharge tomorrow noon-ish.

Update 3: No discharge today. Last night was spent mostly screaming in pain :/ Doctor came in to look and said it's a stitch on the bolster being pulled taught from swelling. I got new outer padding on to help, some pain med refreshers, and told because I showed how well I could walk yesterday that I should focus on taking it easy today and getting swelling down. No stitches or anything popped while I was flopping around in pain so really about as best as it could have been. I'm so proud of how well I walked yesterday and come tomorrow I'm going to be seriously itching to wander around again instead of being bedlocked

Update 4: First attempt at walking today almost ended in me shitting myself and passing out. If I can't get walking around today then they're going to end up keeping me at the hospital another day. I'm really tired of the hospital bed and morale is a bit difficult to maintain right now but I've got to keep going forward. I know I can walk I've already been up and about several times it's just if I can walk well on release day

I havent gone swimming in around a decade, and now that I'm a little over a year post up I really want to but I'm still so nervous to actually go and buy a swimsuit. 😅 there's something intimidating or nerve wracking about the process.

Anyone have experiences buying swimsuits? Is there any tips going in I should know? I think I know what style I want, a 2 piece with high waisted bottoms and a top with an underwire.

As promised yesterday, here's probably the first photo I've ever posted of myself

@mtf Got to give love to all the blahaj, one by one :BlahajWavingTransFlag:

@mtf Do I look like a cute girl like this😇😇

@mtf I got given a new dress today, how do I look?

So, I got fed up with waiting for the review and decided to just upload this book to archive.org.

This is a short-ish (80 pages) novel I wrote some time ago. It's quite different from the poems I've been sharing so far, but I hope you'll enjoy it as well. It was mostly born out of wanting to see more stories of (and by) trans women like me.

The story is called "The witches of Galree" and it's set in medieval times, where a famous sword fighter, who's going through a crisis despite having an objectively good life, meets a group of trans witches who learned how to create a feminizing potion. Our protagonist sees some hope of answering his existential questions by seeking advice with their leader, Julia, a wise but enigmatic woman, who agrees to help while warning that the path of self-discovery is never an easy one.

It should be noted that the characters suffer a fair amount of prejudice in the story, so this is not necessarily an easy read.

I think part of my hopelessness is that I am realizing hrt has not done anything to my face, I figured this out since I am still pretty recognizable. the only thing hrt has done for me is give me boobs, which usually results in hey dead name, you should loose some weight when i am recognized in public. I just feel hopeless and I want this nightmare to end.

How are we all doing today? I would love to hear how everyone's day is going!

Polish:

L.A. Colors Mermaid Magic CNL72 Sea Life L.A. Colors Color Craze Gel CNP500 Stardom (The 2nd one is just gel-like so anyone without a UV light can use it!)

Hello everyone, I just got my test results back and everything seems to be good, although I'm slightly concerned that my prolactin is too low, it's at 9ng/mL.

I looked up prolactin online and it seems it regulates breast growth and pregnancy, could low prolactin levels slow my breast growth?

I saw a post on Reddit but don't have an account anymore. They gave a pad to a cis lady that asked for one and was asked why they had one.

My question for post op people. Do you use a pad or have discharge? I wear a liner everyday. I don't have much on it after the whole day but it's still something that I don't want on my underwear. Maybe I need to do the silver nitrate stuff again on the bit of granulation skin?

This was the biggest trans community I could find with the search function, and I am transfem (male to goddess), so hope it fits

I love this color, too :)

I cover my face before stepping outside, And don't say a word, so my voice won't be pried. I try to blend in, and pray they can't tell -- As if I'm a thief who escaped from her cell. My old mask was blue.     I'm glad that it fell. My new mask is pink.     I still need to hide.

From closet to stealth Does no good to your health. For people like me, this country looks bleak; If others could see, they'd just see a freak. My new mask is pink.     It does make me think. My old mask was blue.     What else could I do?

One day they won't tell just by looking at me, But that doesn't mean that I'm finally free. My new mask will then be etched to my face: They'll give me a past that never took place. My old mask was blue.     A terrible guise. My new mask is pink.     The mask is in their eyes.

-- Lady Scarecrow

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.sdf.org/post/16848687

> This is the new home for help with trans voice training. I'm excited to go on this journey with all of you <3

CW - short mention of unsupportive parent, very supportive sibling, weddings, boymoding, and emotional dissonance.

So, I am a mid-30s babytrans woman about 50 days into HRT and (most days) I have never been happier. But I had an experience recently that has thrown me for a loop. I went to my brother's wedding and didn't feel comfortable girlmoding (to the extent of my limited abilities) because of an unsupportive parent who would be there.

I explained that to my brother way ahead of time and he was extremely supportive (he said something like "be whoever you want to be" and that limiting conflict at his wedding was not necessary bc I am who I am, and straight-up offered to throw down and cut off contact with the unsupportive parent if that is what I wanted). I didn't feel comfortable with the conflict potential though, and I REALLY did not want to make his wedding be about me, so I just boymoded.

But then he went out of his way to get the unsupportive parent out of the way for a few minutes to get a group photo of all the girls at the wedding with their photographer, specifically including me, and I found out that it was a group effort and the only reason they even did a group photo of all the girls was to actively include and support me.

I held it together decently, then cried my eyes out in private afterwards, and had a hard time articulating to them how much it meant to me afterwards.

But now, a handful of days afterwards, I feel weirdly pathetic. Crying, overflowing with gratitude and joy, for something that SHOULD just be the normal default. Like, I feel like someone gave me a kidney or something, not like someone just treated a girl like a girl. So now I feel bad that I feel good, and it is hard to parse everything. And now I feel mad at myself for not just letting myself feel happy. Hormones kicking my ass probably aren't helping. In the old days, I would absolutely have been able to just use willpower to set one feeling over to the side and feel the other, but my emotions are far too present and attached to do that any more.

So, the advice I am seeking - I am wondering if any of you have a mindset or a way to mentally frame it that I can try to adopt to help with the dissonance of everything, and just let myself feel happy. I can't set it aside any more, but I can recontextualize the situation and let my feelings change themselves... I just don't know what to recontextualize TO that doesn't dimish the kindness and support, but also doesn't diminish my own unsteady feeling that I have an innate right to be a woman.

And holding both at once (plus a couple of other things not mentioned above) is too much at once. I took a sick day today because I can't focus on anything because too many feelings are screaming at me.

Hi! This is an older pic of me. I think it was from around 2013 with a bad cell camera and a silly makeup app. Weirdly, it is still the best one I've got of myself even after having fully transitioned shortly after the pic was taken. Anyway, my biggest dysphoria is with my voice. I've spent over a decade on make it "pass". I'd like to know if there is interest in making a community for voice help (there are similar on Reddit).

This has been my biggest hurdle, and if I could feasibly help others, or other people could help each other that would be fantastic. Simple voice recordings uploaded to free sites with feedback are, in my opinion, very valuable as you need to be able to interact with people on a daily basis and looks alone will not get you there.

In short, I'd just like to know if there is interest for a community where we can help each other not be "outed" for simply trying to speak.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/12099240

> I can't help but think at night > Of that which never was, but might. > > I've faced the demons deep inside > And found the answers that they hide. > But if I'd known it all back then, > Just think how much it could've changed... > > It took so long to find the way > That most are trailing every day, > And now they seem so far ahead. > I miss the past I've never had, > Where all I took so long to see > Were always clear, and I'd be free. > > How can I catch up with the rest? > How can I make up for the past? > Is it too late to change my fate? > Have I missed the train of luck? > Has life gone by while I was stuck? > > -- Lady Scarecrow

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/20219544 >Link to the survey itself: https://www.smartsurvey.co.uk/s/GenderCensus2024

I sent her a coming out letter while I was in school. Later I saw that she sent me a message but I was too scared to look at it at first.

She said that she need some time to clear things in her head but will always support and love me, that she will help and that everything will be good. She also said that we will talk about this when we are alone.

It made me so happy. Knowing that at least one person will support me makes things easier. It's such a big step.

Edit: After I finished my launch she hugged me, we stayed like that for a long time. From her breathing I knew this is hard for her as I expected. She said same things she said in her messages and added that she is happy I told her how I feel.

If you are having issues finding housing as a trans person or would like to help others, consider joining this new matrix chat room.

I’ve recently been helping some folks with their housing needs and thought that creating a network could be incredibly helpful. By pooling our resources, whether it’s sharing links, tips, or even just advice, we can support each other more effectively. ❤️

We have a privacy-focused collaborative document to organize our resources and ideas. It'll grow over time. 📄

Let’s make this a supportive space for everyone! 🌸

Sharing and updoots appreciated! !bee flag trans emoji

&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Question

A question fills my head. Were I a girl instead -- Same book, but different cover -- Would you become my lover? Or would we still be friends?

Now, I ask: don't get me wrong. I love our friendship, and it's strong. I love it when I make you smile, Even for a little while. I love it when I'm at your side. Our conversations make my day. And nothing makes me feel more pride Than impressing you some way.

Now, I wonder: can you tell? How you make me feel so well? That this smile is just for you? And if you knew, then what you'd do?

Now, I know that you are straight. And we're both guys, so we won't date. So a question fills my head. Were I a girl instead...

________________________________________________ Note: I wrote this poem before realizing I'm a trans woman, which is why I'm calling myself a guy in there, but I'm absolutely not one. I have since learned that gender isn't just a matter of a "different cover" -- it's definitely part of the book.

-- Lady Scarecrow

Hi, I'm the total mess known as Emma, and I'm currently a little overwhelmed with things.

So, long story short:

• I started HRT January 2023

• I desperately need bottom surgery as soon as possible

• I'm worried that I should have been doing electrolysis instead of laser

• I'm worried about wait lists for surgery

• I'm worried about the costs of surgery

• I need to find a surgeon

• I'm interested in evacuating to a safe state on the west coast

• I feel overwhelmed with everything that I need to do

There's so much going on for me right now, and I'm seeking input from everyone here with something to say about any of my struggles.

Thanks ❤️

So my wife and I have been trying to work through the practicality of me coming out. She's been having trouble perceiving me as female, which, like, I still have a beard, so I get it. She's bi, but also believes that homosexuality is a sin, so she's been trying to work though what we would look like. I've been trying to break apart the rigid gender roles a bit, and told her last night that I don't mind our kids calling me "dad" even if I go full fem, I have no problem with she/her/dad. Like, I'm the sperm donor, not the one who carried them for nine months. She thought that was great and asked about husband, because she really would rather have a husband than a wife. I told her that I'd really prefer wife, as husband is rather ick for me, so we are still working on that point.

Long preamble, sorry, but this morning as we were telling each other about our dreams last night and our visions for the future, she said "I envision myself in the future with my husband, and she's beautiful"

I think that's the first time I've been gendered correctly by my wife, and it feels so good. I think we are going to make it. I'm going to have my kayak and heat it too. I'll be able to transition without losing those closest to me. My vision of the future has never looked so bright, growing into old ladies together and showing people with our lives that "Queer Christians" is not an oxymoron.

I don't know why I keep this mask. It doesn't fit me -- it never has. And now I've figured out this mess, It seems to fit me even less. I would much rather wear a dress...

But where I'm from, the risk's too high. When I still look like a guy (In many ways -- I hate them all), If I step outside the door With these clothes that I adore, What sort of danger would I call?

But I can't waste my life away And live a lie until the day I'll get to look a certain way.

In the end, it's up to me To find the courage that I need And be the girl I wish to be.

-- Lady Scarecrow

Did you have a tipping point between realizing you were trans and you started HRT?

As in, when you de oded to start, what did that moment look like for you?

I think I'm a point where I'm more interested in trying, but have a lot of fears holding back, which I think makes it feel like I want it less than I do.

I was talking to some others about this and it made me realize I think I want it a lot more than I thought.

Does any of that make sense, or am I just rambling? 😅

started HRT in January of 2022, is it safe to say all major changes are done, and I'll always kinda look ugly and there is nothing HRT can do.

Also sorry I made a similar post where I had the years wrong I think.

https://imgur.com/a/6JkRV6X

I've been on HRT for 3 years, and I really have lost all hope that I will ever look like a girl or be gendered correctly or even just be treated with dignity. I'm really ugly and honestly I can tell, people lie and say well it's your personality that matters. It's really not that hard to see, and I am wondering if there is a point to spending 120 dollars a month, just for peace of mind.

I decided to come out to my mom by sending her a "letter" to make it easier for me but I'm not sure is it good enough. Main things I want her to understand are how I feel, that this didn't happen overnight and that it's a big problem for me. This is what I wrote (translated to English):

"Something is bothering me for some time now, I want to explain everything here. It’s hard for me to start conversation about this so to make it easier for me I wrote it. I know this will be hard for you and I want to give you as much time as you need to process it. Only thing I want is support, all of this is already very hard for me so if we made negative atmosphere it would become even worse. So, I’m pretty sure that I’m transgender. I don’t know what you heard about trans people in media so I’ll try to explain how I feel. To put it shortly, it’s awful. I don’t feel good in my own skin. Whenever I’m not distracted by school or hobbies I feel really bad. I don’t like how I look and sound and how others see me. I can’t dress how I want. I feel like I’m wearing a costume because of others. A costume that I want to remove but can’t. I feel envy towards women, sometimes I can’t even look at them because of it. As times goes things become worse and my wish to do something about this is growing stronger but I’m scared. I’m scared of potential reactions of others, especially family members, and that I would be rejected. I wanted to come out to you first because I think you won’t disapprove me immediately and at least try to understand me. Like I said, support is really important to me at the moment. If people reject me things would become worse. I want to go to a therapist as soon as possible, that would be the best solution, but I wanted to tell you everything first. I don’t want to do something like this behind your back. I also want to tell you that this isn’t something recent, I’m just able to better understand my feeling now that I’m older. For years I wondered how it’s like to be a girl, I wanted to experience it for a short period. I had dreams where I became a girl. I thought it’s normal and that everyone experienced it from time to time. Anything that has something to do with changing gender was interesting to me, especially male to female. I thought it’s just a fetish. When I realized there is more to these feelings I tried convince myself I’m just making it up and that I can’t be trans. It was hard for me to accept myself as transgender but after some time I couldn’t find a different explanation. Stubbornness and fear were only reasons why I couldn’t accept myself. I’m sorry for not telling this sooner, I want you to understand that it’s hard to talk about this. I’m scared that others will reject me but I also want to do something about these feelings in order to be happy. And, again, support means me more than anything. I’m sure that you have feelings of loss while reading this. I’ll always be me, things like this won’t change that. If you blame yourself for this, please don’t do it. You and dad, or anyone else, aren’t blameworthy. No matter what you did in the past I would get here at some point. If you read all of this, I want to let you know it means a lot to me. When you are ready to talk about this just tell me, it’s easier now that I shared these feelings with someone. This should remain between the two of us, others shouldn’t know about it at the moment."

Is this good? This is really important to me so I want to approach it in a right way and feedback would be really helpful with that.

Important note: Verbs and adjectives are gendered in my native language. I used masculine forms because I feel like that would make things a bit easier for her. Should I keep that?