"We had a 2% reduction in profits this year guys, 😭"
"The company lost money?"
"What? Oh no! But we made 3 bn in profits last year and we only made 2.8bn this year... So to make up for the shortfall, we'll be reducing 401k contributions."
Every capitalist: You did great, and we know all the prior meetings talked about record profits, but we just can't afford to give you a bonus. Soooorryyyyyyyyy.