My gf (f23) found an old video of me (m22) with an ex and wont talk to me now.
My gf (f23) found an old video of me (m22) with an ex and wont talk to me now.
I am my gfs first partner, she is my second. The girl I dated prior (for 6 months) was a vlogger and for like 3 months made a lotta relationship and prank videos wth me which I was fine with at the time. Now my current gf is my first ever real crush and Ive been into her for a decade.
So my gf stalked my ex somehow, idk how consodering Im not on social media myself (this account is the literal exception). She then asked a LOT of questions about my ex, I dodged just about every question. After that she just pulled away and was distant and would barely talk to me or meet up. She finally told me she found my ex's yt channel and watched every single thing on there.
Now I think Ive been VERY understanding and comforting to her, reassuring her literally every day since, being very loving and romantic to the point of cringing myself out. But she never really got over what she saw, idk if she rewatched that stuff or not but it was def smth thats always been in the back of her mind. She also knows that I broke up with my ex since I was moving countries and not bc the relationship was bad.
Now for the terrible part, smth i truly did not remember was that me and my ex had made a more personal video which was still saved somewhere on my laptop. I absolutely did not know of this and if I did I woulda gotten rid of it. Now my gf has access to my laptop (with my approval ofc) and she somehow stumbled upon it, I caught her curled up in my bed absolutely bawling her eyes out with the video playing on my desk. I have never felt this disgusting.
This is the first time my gf has denied my hug for comfort or just been so repulsed by me, she wont touch me while i explained everything, I deleted said video infront of her and begged her for a week. First she told me she needed to think things over but knowing her she wanted me chasing and I did just that, second week Ive given her space and theres been no change. We have had 2 dry 5 min convos in the last week.
How do I fix this or make it upto her???
Tl;dr: Gf found an old personal video involving an ex and wont talk to me anymore.
You're viewing a single thread.
My dude, you fucked up any trust you could have built with her when you "dodged just about every question" she asked about your ex.
If I asked about an ex and my boyfriend was dodgy about answering, and then I found a sex tape of them on his laptop, i wouldn't trust you either.
You can talk all you want, but if your actions don't match your words, that talk is useless. It means nothing.
From the way you speak about this, I get the feeling you kind if enjoy the drama. It's good you deleted the video, but if this girl decides to stay with you, I'd make damn sure my actions matched up to my words.
I dodged the questions before she had seen the yt videos, after that I was much more open woth information. I also no longer live in the country where my ex is, I moved back home. And I dont enjoy this drama, all it does is make me stressed throughout the day.
Why are you dodging questions at all? Like I see you answering that question elsewhere that it's not culturally done with you to talk about exs.... But that kind of a BS excuse. No one anywhere enjoys talking about past partners. Everywhere it's normal for people not to talk about relationships You should've put on your big boy pants and told her straight up whatever was on her mind.
Relationships take trust and if you are being evasive when she is looking for info that's a hell of a red flag to her. End of the day, it just sounds like you got something to hide. Perhaps then she would believe an honest mistake finding a more intimate video.
Although, frankly, the fact that you kept it all post break up is kinda gross. When a relationship ends, EVERYONE needs to delete EVERY adult piece of media they have. The fact that you didn't do this post break up is kinda gross and a red flag all by itself.
Friend, you planted a lot of landmines for your self. It's not a huge suprise they are blowing up.
I know, that's the problem. You sent up red flags by dodging questions about you ex in the first place. It makes everything after that way more sus than it should have been.
The answer is to explain all of this to her openly and honestly. If you do that and she truly can't accept the fact that you had an ex-girlfriend, that's a very different issue. Don't fall for the guilt and jealousy bullshit if that's what this is, at heart. Don't be evasive about it, but also don't let her weaponize your past as if you were wrong to have it.