Meh burger

I'll have the burger whose contents are stacked too high to eat comfortably and spill out when you try to bite it, please
- With a wooden stick in it half the height of the burger, if you could.
  
  The stick is so it doesn't fall apart on the way to the table, after that it's your responsibility
  
  And your choice of IPA, Hazy IPA, West Coast IPA, XPA, or lemon squeezed on ice and a dash of ginger ale.
- Sure thing, is an inch-thick slice of tomato okay or did you want thicker?
- It comes out with a dull ass steak knife stabbed through the top
- Burgers need to be wider, not taller.
  When I'm the King I will mandate this.
  
  You have my vote.
- at the point where your cutlery becomes necessary to eat your burger unless you pig-trough it you have failed at making a burger
- UK: Is there any other way?
- Craziest Burger and shakes I've ever had were in Boston.
  Boston Burger Company
  Adding Portland to my list now.
  
  I love BBC.
  Havent heard of this place though, Ill check it out

Half the staff are wearing wool beanies in dead ass middle of summer
Sides are a la carte, fries come in a metal cup with newspaper-style wax/parchment paper
The bottom bun is falls-apart-soggy by halfway through
Claims to have a huge selection of craft beers...all IPAs, a stout, a sour, and PBR
- You forgot the black gloves! Those are required by law.
- Burgers are served on a scaffold board/shovel/roof tile
  Coleslaw is always referred to as house 'slaw.
  Menu prices omit the $ sign/£ sign.
  Eg. Triple cooked fries 4
  
  Menu prices omit the $ sign/£ sign.
  "Gourmet bacon and cheese burger - 15"
  15 what? Pence?
- run by four interchangeable lumbersexual white guys in their mid 20s who are having the time of their lives and one white chick in her late 20s who is just so over it.
  
  This is so like.. 2014
- Lol that is so spot-on I can't believe the parallels never occurred to me. One exception though, I really had good burgers in such a place in Haarlem / NL.

There's a bar here with that aesthetic. They do serve ok burgers at slightly reasonable prices, but the secret is to become friends with the cooks. Then tell them that you don't care what the upcharge is, but you want them to make you the burger they'd want and to have fun with it.
Now I can go in and say "Tell them TexasDrunk wants whatever burger they want to send out" and 9 out of 10 times I get a burger that's delicious (and sometimes insane). Usually they just charge me the regular burger price.
I don't do it often, but I got good friends and good burgers out of it.
- Hell yeah! When I worked as a server, I would ask the cooks to make me a burger of the day for my lunch break. There was no "burger of the day" they just went wild and often times they required multiple "load bearing straws".
  
  People who go into cooking generally enjoy getting to be creative. I love those insane creations that require load bearing anything (although I don't think I've seen straws, usually it's toothpicks, skewers, or pickle spears).
  My absolute favorite wasn't the tastiest but it was definitely the coolest. The guy made a pretty standard bacon jalapeno burger, added some house made barbecue sauce, cut it into pieces, skewered it, and served it as the garnish for a pitcher of micheladas.
  Note: A michelada is kind of what you'd get if a bloody Mary went to Mexico on vacation and added beer and spices.
- I do that often in bars when i want a cocktail and usually the result is nice

The best burgers are found in places that look like you have to bribe a health official to get a barely passing grade
- Not just burgers, that seems to be the best food in general
  
  Or the absolute worst. And they did bribe a health official.
  
  The best of those that I've found are often restaurant/something else. Like restaurant/laundromat. Or restaurant/rug shop.
  
  see: all of Spain
  
  An angry Turkish man who doesn't say hello, just glares sullenly at you until you order.

I went to a place like this once. Had a bison burger (?) and it was avtually fucking delicious. The fries were just "fries" but they weren't bad in any way. Above average in flavor and consistency.
I'm guessing most places like this are garbage and the one time I went, I got lucky.
- It just the generic “burger place“ design. I haven't seen a burger restaurant that doesn't look like this.
  So it logically follows that all the bad ones will look like it
  
  Yeah the good burger places look mostly like this too. Or they did, and everyone copied it.
  A lot of em make good burgers, too. Just not $35 with fries level good
  
  Oldschool ones
- Most of them are mediocre. Most burger places were mediocre, and then the American gastropub trend saw burgers being made nice as opposed to diner food or bar food. They could also charge more money because they were making nicer food.
  Eventually a bunch of the mediocre places shifted to try to also be nice, but mostly just increased prices, changed decor, and started using the word aioli more than mayo. Oh, and pretzel buns on burgers that got taller without being bigger and are cumbersome to eat.
  In the plus side, if you like a Swiss burger with a garlic aioli, a burger with a fried egg on it, or a burger with 2 pieces of bacon, a spicy BBQ sauce, and fried onion strings and you're in the mood for some fries with bits of peel on them and a garlic Parmesan butter, then you know exactly what they're going to put in from of you and exactly what it'll taste like.
  Mediocre. Not bad, but definitely not the best you've ever had.
  
  Lol I was JUST showing this to my wife and adding, and they use "aioli" on everything haha
- I lived near a bison farm for a while, bison meat is just amazing, much juicier than beef.
- Bison is worth the price tag for sure. These places only pretend to have that kind of power.

So the city I live in has a few of these and they're some of the best burgers in town, for fairly reasonable prices.
There's a fucking war on here for the best burger and I'm so happy for it. We don't fuck around with burgers.
They're so good and reasonably priced that the first time I saw this meme I was a little confused. Like yeah the aesthetic is kinda lame but that doesn't change the food. Maybe the stools aren't comfortable but like, there are regular tables. Like what's the problem??
Then I went to another city.
My friends, I am so, so, sorry. You don't deserve this. Good burgers aren't hard, they're really not. Just stay home, invest in a griddle. Even if it's just a small one for your stove top, you can make better burgers at home. Make friends with a local butcher, he won't steer you wrong. I don't know what caused that trend but I know the only way to stop it is to stop going.
- My city has both, and they're decorated the same. I just wonder whether a really good burger place did this first and then crappy ones showed up to copy the decor and forgot to make the food good.

And the opposite of this, if the menu is plain text and pictures of food that were taken with a digital camera from 2009 then its going to be fantastic
- Burger place with yellowed ceiling tiles and a laminated menu? That shit is gonna be good.
  
  Because these places are passionate about food. The fancy ones are passionate about money and profit. I see it all over California, it's absolutely true.
  
  Best burger I ever had was in this weird, kinda yellowing, almost dirty place in New York. They didn't have tables as much as seats with like a board that came across, like one of those school desks you see in movies.
  If I'm ever in New York again I'm going to try and find it, though I'm fucked if I can remember where it was or what it was called.

Broke: We can offer you our truffle fucked nothingburger with garlic ass for $20 dollars with every single fry costing a dollar extra
Bespoke: falafel shawarma $3, yoghurt or hummus, boss?
- I think you need to add another new line to this comment.
  
  bested by my nemesis, markup, again, thanks & fixed

- I've tried a lot of these veggie burgers and tbh at least where I'm from most of the time they kinda suck. I've had a few really really good ones but mostly they tasted mid.
  
  It's the most hit or miss thing I can get as a vegan. It's either a really great in-house, well seasoned patty. Or just a morning star frozen thing with grease as it's only seasoning.
  
  It can be hit and miss from my experience as well. We have a bar and grill place that has a black bean burger and the fucking patty is 1/2 lb and an inch thick. The burger tastes good but it's way too much bean and it ends up being a chore to eat. We have a fast food place that has a black bean burger that is pretty thin but you get a lot of veggies on it and it is all pretty balanced. We have a local hipstery joint similar to the meme posted that has amazing food all around but they have a beyond burger and a black bean burger and it's actually nice to have that option but they also always have like 3 other vegan options.

Funnily enough, I'm Spanish and the meme is somehow also accurate here?
- Australian and it's accurate here. I suspect the trend is common wherever there's a market for hipster burger places
  
  Exactly the same in Canada, the black metal bar stool, light, fixture, black brick, wood, etc. It is a starter pack for burger restaurant.
- Yeah I guess the trend as been imported to Europe in general, French here.
  Although in France some aren't bad, just mid. The problem is they are ALL overpriced.
- I'm Indian, it's accurate here too in most cities lol
- Netherlands too. I've learned to avoid such places.

chef wearing black gloves
- And a beard.
  
  Described like half of all restaurants.

I hate the "EAT" sign. I came here for food please don't be so demanding about it
- You will eat here, and you will be happy about it! 😡
  
  I'll need a nixie tube sign to tell me to be happy

Worst place I ate brought the raw burger to you next to a boiling hot slab of rock. I was expected to cook my own burger the way I liked it. Well fuck you, I'm paying you to cook my meal. Plus it just seemed disgusting to have raw meat at the table anyway
- Is this like American hot pot?
  
  Australian hot pot, you have to catch the sheep yourself.
- Pretty common grilling meat yourself in Japan, but for a steak just asking for how you want it done makes way more sens.

And its name is always like some suburbanite place: The Yard, Patio Patties, Culdesac Restaurant & Bar
- Either that or it sounds like they chose 2 Monopoly pieces at random
  The Top Hat & Thimble
  The Boot & Iron
  The Wheelbarrow & Cannon

remember r/WeWantPlates ?
- They have one here! I just subbed to it! All we need is wewantcups.
- r/moreplatesmoredates

Copy + paste small business tyrant investment. Like a ghost kitchen. They all just copy each other because it returns a consistent profit.
There is probably some kind if grotesque item in the menu as a "draw", too. The Tower of Cheese. The Bacon Bun. The [town name] challenge, a dish made of 34 kinds of flesh. Get in here, techbros! Get your grub.

Facts. We have a burger place like this that people love for some reason, but I swear they most the mid-quality burgers for $20+. It's crazy that people keep going there, imo.
- A few years ago I would immediatly leave if I saw a burger for more than $15 on a menu regardless of how many unnecessary toppings they had one it.
  Now it costs more than that for a plain cheeseburger with a 6 Oz patty.
  Idk how anybody is still eating out we can take the money we'd spend on a meal in a restaurant and cook something that's better quality and we have leftovers for 2 days. The only benefits off eating out are to get cheap slop you would feel bad about cooking for yourself.
  
  I eat out or uber eat if I'm too exhausted to do cooking from work. Or if I tried to do a bulk cook and by day 2 of eating it my brain just says no. Apparently I will just starve instead of eating the same thing
- People like to think they have refined taste, most do not.
  And not just when it comes to food. But art and even basic decor and fashion as well.
  It has a tendency to come down to "Is it expensive? Then It's fancy".

Sed Porttitor isn't even that good, I dunno why they need it on their menu a half a dozen times.
- You gotta try the Proin Ultrices
  
  At the risk of playing into the stereotype: But what about Ut Gravida?

This is absolutely not true.
Sometimes it's a very mediocre $8 taco.

Seen this meme tons of times and I never noticed the menu was lorem ipsum

Don't forget the smugness. These types of places always have such smug staffing, like they think they shit gold or something. It's like bitch please, you're demanding someone pay a day's wage for you to fuck up ground beef. Fuck off out of here with your foofoo bullshit burger.

look. imagine a place where the burger is not native. where the best burger you can hope for is... adequate.
imagine, if you will, a country shaped like a schnitzel.
in the twilight zone.

The beer menu is on a chalkboard all the way across the bar and you can't see it.
- And they're out of the good ones.

I can already hear the stomp clap music

Portland 2005, except it's damn near impossible to get a bad meal in Portland. Best food I ever had consistently in my life.
[edit] Oregon
- Portland, TX has some pretty shitty food fyi
  
  All I know of Texas food is Burnt Ends and a Whiskey scene that's just over the fucking top insane with no end in sight.

"We put three different kinds of rubbery bacon on top of it and you better believe we're charging you a premium for every one"

I wouldn't judge a book by its cover. Following aesthetic trends is just being savvy, it's not necessarily compensating for something.

“In-N-Eh”
- Eh-n-Out sounds better.

Burgercore!

SED PORTTITOR

The most mediocre dining experience (for the money) I've ever had was at a restaurant called "Smallwares." Emphasis on small, it turns out. Case in point, we ordered duck breast, which cost a fair bit. I was picturing at least a fair amount, but it was the smallest smidgen slivered up with a dollop of sauce. It was the same with every dish, high prices for not much food.
Sure there were other places that had worse food. One remote dinner lacked any fresh food, but you can't really help that when you're in the middle of nowhere. But never have I felt like I was being fed by Famine from Good Omens.

But where else do I get my malt vinegar fix?

A quite big Döner Brand in Germany(Berlin Döner) has shops like this and they aren't even that bad. They aren't outstandingly god but also not bad. Its maybe a bit overpriced for 6€(at least in my city it costs 6€).
- 6€ is overpriced in Berlin? I need to move 🚗
  
  Not in Berlin. The Brand calls themselves Berlin Döner and they operate in other Citys too. I personally got better Döner for the same money(in my region).

The burger is fine, but the sides are usually amazing.
- If they're good they'll be overpriced

true, but even mid burgers are a fave from where i’m standing
- But you can get a mid burger for way less than $30
  
  Yeah! McDonald's is only charging $20 per burger these days!

There was a place like this near my old work and my boss would often offer to pay. I naturally ordered a couple mediocre burgers and overly seasoned truffle fries with sage for some reason.
Thankfully there was a similar coffee place next door, but that's a good thing in their case (that coffee was fire)

Holy shit people. You are all incredibly whiny bunch
Maybe I am spoiled by my three good burger places in one kilometre radius from my house one of which declared me persona non grata