I can't do my job anymore
I can't do my job anymore
I write SEO drivel for a living. I'm fairly good at it, even if the products I shill for are useless to 90% of the population... and that's the problem. There was a time when I was able to not think too much about it, even if I was a little uncomfortable with the fact that my "job" basically shouldn't exist and contributes to the eshittification of the internet. I was just happy to finally be able to learn a living after being unemployed for so long.
But I can't ignore it anymore. The articles get harder and harder to write, the research is boring and pointless, and search engines aren't exactly helpful either on account of said eshittification, which I'm contributing to. And that's on top of all the extra requirements the clients have.
But the thing that makes it the hardest to keep going is that I can't in good conscience market things to people, however indirectly, unless I am absolutely sure the product will help them or I can personally vouch for the usefulness of the product. Which I obviously can't because I've never tried any of the products I'm writing to shill for. And I think it's deceptive, which doesn't sit right with me.
CW: mental health stuff, Calvinist brainworms
I used to be able to kinda just dissociate and not think about it too much. Just focus on the money, you know? As long as I could earn my own way and not have to rely on others just to get by, be less of a burden to others. Also feel like a proper adult for once. Yeah, I know everyone else is winging it, but when you've never been independent, it's hard not to feel like there's something wrong with you (even though that in itself is a capitalist brainworm and all that).
I also hate that I'm contributing to the selling of more useless shit that nobody actually needs. Like, we're wasting tons of water to power some AI 
are convinced is the next coming of Jesus? 
I think I'm going to quit this line of work. I just can't do it anymore. Apparently, some people can make a butt load of money writing this drivel but I personally have never made all that much. And honestly, I don't even think the money would help at this point. But with my lack of skills and social anxiety, I'm not really sure what other jobs I can do.
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I wasn't in quite the same field, but I dealt with a lot of the same shit you're describing. I quit last year and are trying to get a childcare degree (pedagogy it's called here, not sure if that translates). Thinking it will be a line of work where I get out, do something relatively meaningful for someone else, even if it is hopelessly undervalued and paid here. But with social anxiety, I don't know if that's an option, depends how you feel around kids, I guess.
Hope it goes well for you! Sucks that it pays so little, but it definitely sounds more (spiritually/morally?) rewarding than what you were doing before. I'm not great with kids so it's not gonna work out for me
Thanks a lot, really hope you find something else (or a different way to do it that is less crushing). I don't know anything about your background, location, safety net etc. so it would be irresponsible/unserious to say "just quit", but all I can say is that it felt really good to walk out, even knowing I was walking into some uncertainty (had no idea what I wanted to do instead at the time). Felt like something got lifted off my shoulders.
Right now I'm taking a break to see if it'll help, but I highly doubt I'll want to go back after it's over. It feels like something got lifted off my shoulders too. Thanks for sharing, comrade - I'm glad the uncertainty didn't last and it gives me hope that mine won't, either.
