A deal with the devil
A deal with the devil
Been on Vyvanse 40mg for a few months now and am loving life. I’m more productive, happier, can focus better, eating less, etc.
I can’t help but feel like ADHD meds are like a deal with the devil. I can either have my days drag on, especially the boring parts, and feel every second pass. Or… I can take meds and have the boring parts go by quickly, feel productive, but also have the enjoyable moments that I want to savor, whisked away into the past, leaving me wondering "where the hell did my day go?"
Does anyone else feel like this?
I would if I could get anyone to fill my fucking prescription
Yeah, same here (same med and dose, too, lol), but it got better with therapy. I was used to being at the mercy of my mood my whole life, so when I became chipper and productive almost all of the time, I felt an an unnatural sense of urgency to 'make hay while the sun shines', so to speak.
I couldn't feel comfortable sitting down and relaxing when I could still see so much to do and I had the ability to do it.
What I learned in therapy was that, whilst having been given ability to action my goals, none of my old self guidance techniques really applied.
If life is a raging river, all I could do in the past was try to yank my raft towards rocks to block or divert myself, with my bare hands. Hard, painful, rarely successful and never without consequences.
Now that I have medication, I've been given a oar, but I kept using it to refine my existing techniques under the false assumption that the rocks need to be hit in order to get anywhere- but hey, at least I don't have to use my hands anymore, right?
When I get to a calm bit of river I should use that time to rest, "-but why? I have a paddle, now! I should go hard whilst I still can, I'm so much further behind everyone else, and soon I'll be too exhausted to use the oar so I should use my energy while I can."
I'm beginning to learn that I can use the oar to guide myself before rocks and turns, to not exhaust myself early, and to know that the river winds as it will but I don't have to meet it with a headbutt (lol).
Lol that was a big ol' metaphor for cognitive behavioural therapy, but honestly I wouldn't be where I am today without it.
I take medication but I also suffer from chronic illness- many times my health issues render my medication barely effective, so when I first came to my psychologist 2 years ago to work with him, I told him that I wanted to learn behavioural patterns and frames of mind when I was well that would still help me when I was sick.
It's working very well, I'm proud to say 🙂
That metaphor really speaks to me. Thank you so much. I feel so guilty doing nothing, now that I finally have the power to be productive for 10+ hours at a time.
I need to start therapy again, I have yet to find it helpful, but I know it can be. Been with 4 different therapists and they’re all a swing and a miss.
Yeah definitely. My ADHD comes with bad time blindness as it is so I have always blamed it on that but when you put it that way I can definitely relate.
I like having an off day once a week from my Vyvanse, personally. On a day off where I've got nothing important to do.
Like, I let myself have an ADHD day, where I'd normally be beating myself up over my self perception of being lazy with deadlines hanging over my head, but now it's fine because I actually got things done the other 6 days of the week.
Yep same. I take weekends off usually. Let the brain get a partial dopamine reset too.
I also take breaks but I am so much more short-tempered off my meds that I am starting to not like how I am, especially in the evenings when my mental capacity is spent. Any tips?
I'm no professional, but if you're concerned about it and it's available to you, maybe try some sort of anger management class?
But: imo, one of the best lessons I've learned is that you're not defined by your emotions and thoughts, only how you act on them. Getting angry about being angry would just feed a big ole anger loop. So if you can identify what makes you angry, you can take however much control you can over your environment to reduce it, and don't beat yourself up for feeling a certain way!
This hits hard! I'm back to no meds and it feels good actually. I'm not my best but I'm enjoying lifes ups and downs more.
Yes! I took my last capsule recently after holding onto it for a while (layoff, lack of insurance, etc). Suddenly it was 4pm and I had no idea where the day went.
Glad I’m not the only one.