Hard time with recovery and people.
Hard time with recovery and people.
Like the title says, recovery from alcoholism has been pretty rough. I fucking love drinking, but the amount of times it's gotten me in bad spot is crazy. I haven't been formally diagnosed, but my last therapist was going to refer me because I have several traits of ASD ("high-functioning").
I just can't stand being around people. Like I just can't think around them because the sounds they make and the things they talk about drive me up the wall. Also the fact that "isolation" is a no no in these places, it's all about "community", so having time to myself to gather my sanity is hard to come by.
Not to mention the anxiety of having to talk about myself.
It's forced me to leave programs time after time and now it's all starting to make sense. I know that I can't blame all my problems on ASD (especially if I haven't even been given the diagnosis by someone qualified, and I'm sorry if this offends anyone) and I know that this 100% is on me and not everyone else.
I'm running out of options and I'm starting to think that just living on the street is my only option.
Edit: Also lately, I've been dabbling with methamphetamine. It's like everything I don't want to do is now possible.
Like I just can’t think around them because the sounds they make and the things they talk about drive me up the wall.
Might be misophonia if it's all about the sounds.
If you're still seeing a therapist talk to them about what sets you on edge, and ask if you can try Beta Blockers to see if that helps you tolerate crowds or just interacting with people.
They'll block you're adrenal system, and all types of shit that pissed you off just won't be a big deal anymore.
It shouldn't be hard to try them out for general anxiety, and if it works you'll notice it immediately but takes a couple weeks to ramp up due to long halflife.