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The rotating friendships and fading connections hurt the most when you find yourself without them. The conscious efforts we make are just as important and distinctive as others: with personal purpose and motive that we may not perceive as an outward party.
It's worth taking a deep breath and acknowledging that other people might be going through their own doubts and "shit" and may not be communicating effectively their needs. Keeping communication open on a loose thread is difficult but good to keep if you truly care about them or wish to see them last part of your life. Inversely, knowing when to cut the thread is also important.
Do you have any hobbies or have any leagues or other sports around you? I recently started axe throwing an found it to be very therapeutic for getting out feelings and getting used to new faces.
Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts. It seem like you came to some very important realizations and I hope to get closer to them too. Axe throwing sounds fun!! I like learning new stuff and solo sports and spend most of my freetime doing that.