Random moments in my class

When they complain about homework: me making the "I don't care" meme

Reminding them of the "3 Universal Laws for a Chill Classroom"

• I don't want to meet your parents
• You don't want me to meet your parents
• Your parents do not want to meet me

Watch them copy each other completely wrong answers because I made different exam models and they haven't noticed.

"I left my phone home" Then why do I get a "StudentName's IPhone" when I turn the Bluetooth of my phone on??

Student fails exam, demands being allowed to take a different model to prove how her first one was extremely hard and the other students got easier questions. Fails again. (Questions were the same but in different order).

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS ACTIVITY" Student hadn't bothered reading the question.

"I don't want to work today" We are on the same boat, buddy.

Student didn't do the assignment because grandma had died. Somehow, with the next assignment, said grandma was dead again, for a different reason.

"You are weird" 8 months in and you just noticed????

"You are so short, I'm way taller than you!" Yeah, so is everyone else, you are not special.

(Around Christmas time) "Remember, kids, some of you are one email to your parents away from having a very sad Christmas.

Me having to remind them that if they want to cheat, for the love of God, do it properly.

Student submitted an essay written with two different pens, different handwriting and grammar well beyond their skills. " Did you write this?" "Yes" "Wanna try answering that again?"

"Phone stays with me if you want to go to the toilet" "Why?" "Because I know what you do when you have it. Uploading photos only for your best friends is not a good idea when said friends are in my class".

"What do you mean, we have to do the whole page???"

"Stop biting that pencil. See the marks? You ain't the first one doing this"

Student touching a gooey substance a previous kid had coughed up I beg you, tell me how did you get to the conclusion of that touching that was a good idea.

Student asked me if I had a job.

I had an hilarious meeting with two students that had copied each other's work, mistakes and all, and denied it. The parents were deeply embarrassed.

Gave an F to a student. Parent came choleric, demanding explanations. His kid works super hard and I was trying to "sabotage his expedient". I showed him the exam, blank, with only the name of the student filled and the date, not even correct. Fastest meeting ever.

"I DON'T OBEY WOMEN" Cool, have you informed your mum about this policy change of yours? If not, I'll do it for you! "NO NO NO DON'T TELL HER I SAID THAT I'M SORRY"

Student got handed a broom to clean the class after littering "You are a monster" "Perhaps, but you behave like a pig and sweep like a wet noodle"