What do you do, now that you are retired?

I get frequently asked. "Oh simple!", I reply, "In the morning, I first try to find my phone. When I eventually find it, I realise that I miss my glasses too." After I little probing break I continue, "When I do find them, half an hour later, I can only wonder where I have put my glasses this time."
At this juncture I may receive an understanding smile from my conversation partner, assuming to know the problem all to well. But also expecting, that my obvious exaggeration is my attempt on a joke. Sadly, it is not, but I do not correct, instead I continue, "There goes the first hour of the day, after that I would go shopping, if I could find my car keys that is, but alas, they are real good at hiding, and may well rob the next hour."
By now my opposite is convinced that I am joking and rewards me with the smile that comes with the relive provided by this discovery. To late for correcting now, and so I continue, "Not a problem, as I am much better off having breakfast first."
Should I stop here? or point out the small problem, that in order to make breakfast, I quite likely have to go shopping first. Nah, don't push it, rather bring the story to and end. Too often I miss the cue to stop in time, not today. "By the time I have all these little critters together it is time for lunch anyway. The afternoon I then try to spend just as productive." I conclude, this time indeed joking, even if only slightly, and join in the smile.
Since there was so little chance for understanding, we may as well have a some fun. Bittersweet.