I think of how dark the world has been and will continue to be for me personally.
And I'm not even suffering the most relative to other people. And I think to myself I really don't want to be here. On the other hand dying is not really appealing either.
I see some people at work sometimes sailing through completely carefree that have always lived in a bubble. Kind of pisses me off. Why isn't that me? And it annoys me even more when they are lazy and ungrateful.
some people are unaware of their luck or that other people within their sphere can be leading a completely different kind of life because they don't have the same privilege
many years ago I read one of Richard Wright's autobiographies, the one of him growing. He wrote how when he was older and famous he contacted some of his white classmates from high school to talk about life in the South.
Wright was treated poorly by his teachers, given no to little encouragement , not recommended for college. His classmates told him they were given every opportunity and encouragement and treated very nicely by their teachers. His white classmates had no clue the black students were treated differently by teachers as it was done in private.
I think many people who have carefree lives just have no clue that life is harder for other people. That accent, skin colour, family, school, suburb, opens and close doors and it's just luck
I don't blame people for being unaware of inequality. I wish everyone was treated well. I do blame people if they are bastards holding others down.
I’m sorry dude. I’m in the same spot but doing the sad clown thing because really what else can I do.
I’d wish things to get better for you, but for some people they don’t and I don’t want to create even implied pressure to “get better”. Which in Australia seems to involve a lot of stiff upper lips and bootstrapping…
(A lot of the time people think they’re being encouraging but they’re doing toxic positivity and pushing you until you act in certain ways that they think you should or even hide your feelings. Also there’s nothing wrong with the way you feel. It’s a valid response to some inescapable circumstances.)
I won’t push you to seek professional help. It may or may not be available or affordable to you, you may not be able to find someone who can understand well enough to help, or you may even already be seeing someone. That’s none of my business and ultimately your choice.
What I will do is wish for you to get safely through these moments - if you feel that you can. I will hope that there will be moments of relief when this feeling will lighten.
I will tell you that there’s another person who feels very much the same and you’re not alone.
I will wish for something to shift so that you don’t have to feel like you don’t want to be here.