Corporations care as much about us as that forgotten glue trap with a dead mouse in it under the fridge

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/antiwork by /u/Endlessly_Scribbling on 2024-11-17 23:36:46+00:00.

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TLDR: After a toxic job where I ended up fired, I started giving my new job 120%. I felt good, proud of my hard work. Might be burning myself out, but so long as I can slowly wipe my "job hopper" status off my resume, I don't care. But a recent announcement of 3 people's departure (both voluntary and involuntary) has rocked me hard. My Sunday blues are especially heavy tonight...

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My first "big girl job" out of college was a temp position (10 months), my second job was for 3 years, my third job was fully remote until we became RTO. I had a mortgage and elderly family needed me. I wasn't moving, manager was very understanding and 8 months into that job, I quit. My 4th job was toxic and I managed at first until it was just daily abuse from my manager (who said things that eventually even HR was appalled at during my exit interview). I had been let go, fired at month 10 of my first year. It was a me problem. I let an abusive man get to my head until I fell hard from a person who used to be crazy with attention to detail to "another mistake." 10 months in and I was fired. HR said what [boss] said to me was completely "not okay. Apologized, but nothing could be done. I too apologized for no longer being able to give my all. And then it was over.

"Found a new job at a public firm.

I finally made it to a point in my life where I started to believe in myself again. Not many like public accounting, but I found fulfillment of clients always ringing me up. Like I mattered. Like I wasn't dumb and my opinions were taken into consideration.

But the work is drying up. Across the company (I've been told so at least). My utilization rate is abysmal and people are dropping like flies (manager's words), voluntarily and involuntarily. In firms like ours...our utilization rate is our blood. Think about it. It's how much billable money we net the company. Why keep around the worker who has low billable hours? But...I can't drop. Two short-term roles on my resume (the 8 month job where I quit and my 10 month one where I was fired), I barely managed to get my this job. I need this job to be on my resume at least 2 years. And I've only been here 3.5 months.

Seeing the announcement last Wednesday about 2 people being let go and a 3rd who has quit (that 3rd person, hired 2 weeks after me) terrified me. Slapped reality back to me. I can't get comfortable, because I could be next.

I'm just so scared of what's to come, and I'm already driving myself crazy trying to prove myself as hard as possible. I never say "No" to any projects at work, I give it my all, but I get feedback that's super weird. For example, I do things that have a 1% of error, all of which can be caught before, during, and after this particular task (and yes, like a crazy person, I take the opportunity to check in each of those phases). It also gets checked by the client AND me during month end, and nobody has caught an error, but in my "feedback for employee" I got "give leaving and coming back to a task to review and ensure accuracy a try" as my feedback...by a manager who has not reviewed my work since the second week of work (and I know they haven't, because they've apologized over and over about not tending to me, especially me being new). My bubble popped.

In my euphoric Honeymoon phase of finding a new job, I had felt so safe because I now give my work 120%. I thought, "If I give my whole and honest hard work, you can't fire me." Who cares if I burn out and die so long as I can keep my behind employed long enough to get rid of the job hopper label off my resume. I was also blind from my happiness at finding a sweet and loving (albeit MIA) manager. After my last boss, if my new manager so much as told me "good job" I'd worship them.

But, I had forgotten. No amount of hard work = job security.

I'm burning out fast and hard. I can't keep up. I literally. Cannot, give another % of harder work. I can't give 121%. I'm already at the "engine is burning" limit.