Questions?

I'm white, and married to a black woman. Gotta say, this is pretty accurate. Add shitty service from wait staff when the white person a table over gets regular checkups, and doctors not taking anything she says seriously, even when her symptoms are obvious. And people being rude to her when she asks a question, but nice to me when I ask them the same question a moment later.
It's one thing to know, in abstract, that racism exists. But experiencing it through what my wife goes through on a daily basis has really opened my eyes. It feels like we exist in 2 separate worlds when we're not out together.
- doctors not taking anything she says seriously, even when her symptoms are obvious
  I'm married to a white woman, and she also experiences this, so this might be a gender discrimination problem, rather than (or in addition to) a racial discrimination problem, sadly.
  
  I think it's both. It probably starts with gender discrimination (as the medical field highly favors men. Look at the differences in how we are taught about heart attacks for men and women for example) but then on top of that, it adds the racial discrimination.
  Black women (and especially queer black women) are among the most discriminated groups sadly
  
  Same here. Even women doctors have been shitty to my white wife over things that should be obvious or at least taken seriously.
  I can only imagine black women have it worse and that makes me pretty furious considering what I’ve already seen.
  
  Well known gender thing, worse for women of color.
  
  Older doctors were literally taught that black women have a higher pain tolerance. This in part originated from an early gynecologist doing experiments on black women slaves without bothering to give them any anesthetics. His justification for it was basically that they could handle the pain, and there are doctors practicing medicine today that still belive it.
  
  Yea, that part is a gender discrimination issue, some doctors will refuse to even tie a woman's tubes if they're "too young" saying shit like "What will your future husband think" and if they are married already even saying shit like "You'll need your husband's permission/need to be present"
  It's disgusting.
  
  Yep.
  Being a woman trying to get your medical concerns taken seriously is hell.
  Can't imagine how awful it would be to stack "not white" on top of that, too.
  
  We're both Eastern Europeans in Western Europe, so not visible minorities until we open our mouths.
  We were recently house hunting, and my wife is the sole earner.
  I can't count how many times we had to explain that, or how many times we were disadvantaged against people with the opposite situation. When we applied for a joint bank account with both of us working, guess whose name they put on the account. Or try getting hired without getting asked about your family situation. For her, it always comes up in "small talk" in interviews, very obliquely of course. For me, maybe six months to one year into the job.
  On the other hand, she opens the street door every time there's a heavy delivery, as they don't try to have her carry heavy cargo to our apartment like they do to me, despite it being paid for.
  
  It does depend on gender, but also on race. Even many of the medical procedures are inherently racist, since they were developed mostly with white men in mind. Especially anything that calls for visual checks can be very biased.
- To add: some of the comics, as well as your, examples are good examples of intersectional discrimination. To take a particular one: the doctors-not-taking-you-as-seriously thing happens to all women. But it's much worse for black women in particular. And it's also not as bad for black men as it is for black women.* So, that's an issue she's facing in this severity because she's black AND a woman. There are many such intersectional issues, and it's important to acknowledge and work against them. Anything related to children is similar.
  I remember that from a statistic, I'll try to look it up if anyone would like me to
- It bothers me endlessly that people who advocate for keeping the tipping system are directly asking to perpetuate racism. Many of them don’t even know thats what they’re doing, but I’m slowly learning that most people (including minorities) actually like systemic racism.
- Which country is that? Switzerland?

Missing the classic, "You speak so well!" Like, wtf, did you expect me to speak in pure jive and clicks???
- What it is big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap.
  
  Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da help!
  Jive-ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Shiiiiit.

I'll give you a bonus one: "But where are you originally from?"
- Or white person: “You speak [West European language I was raised in] very well”
  Me: “Uh thanks you too”
  White person:
  
  Wait that's illegal
- "where are you from?"
  Here.
  "But where did you grow up?"
  Here.
  "Where were you born?"
  Here.
  "But where were your parents from?"
  The town over.
  "Okay but where were your grandparents from"
  [Other country]
  "Ah okay now I can finally put this label on you and refer to you as [country]an whenever I talk about you and hang all these assumptions on you"

Here's a bonus I saw at college: "Can I touch your hair?" it's an especially weird one.
- I was blonde growing up in a middle eastern country and people used to want to touch my hair all the time. It's just curiosity.
  
  No, it can only be white on black racism
- The problem is volume. You had one interaction years ago. Black ladies get this sort of thing a lot more. I'm sure it gets exhausting.
- I'm not black but Hispanic and get this often because of my curly hair. I actually love it but understand some people might not like it. But at least they ask. Had some people just pat my hair to feel it which is really weird.
- That’s funny, because I had a lady I work with tell me to feel her hair.
  We were talking about how she always had different hairstyles, and then she explained all this stuff about weaves and fake hair, and then she had me feel her hair to tell the difference.
  I did not retain all/any of the knowledge of artificial hair, but I do remember she always had kickass hair styles.
  
  It's about consent.
  The fact that you've heard "Don't touch a black person's hair" is because SO MANY nonBlack people would just walk up and start touching us without so much as a "How do you do".
  Black people aren't particularly different than anyone else. The way we are treated is often quite different.
- Speaking of touching hair, this isn't really related but what are you supposed to do when holding a baby?
  Like I held my family members baby the other day at Thanksgiving and my brain just defaulted to petting their nearly bald head like my cat 😭
  
  I think that's normal, actually. Little kids like affection and caressing their bald head qualifies. I'm not sure what age that ends, though.
  
  I don't have kids, but a friend of mine that does commented I sway while carrying a cat in the way someone holding a baby does.
  I guess that's more proof part of the domestication that went on with cats is that they somehow signal "baby" to our minds.
  It makes sense it goes the other way too.
  
  Either that or chew on its ear. That is normal, right?
- I'm a Latino and I grew out my hair during the pandemic with the goal of donating it. My hair comes out curly when it is long. One day, when we were back to seeing people face to face, a black woman asked if she could touch my hair. I was a little surprised that she asked, lol.
  
  Did you get all offended about it

Imagine people being racist.
Thank you for attending my TED talk.
- No no no. They are not racist, just curious (answer of my colleague when pressed on his questions).
- And they said Ted talks were starting to suck... ***** Would watch again
- This is basically the plot of Crash
  
  Cronenberg Crash is better.

What type of racism is this? It’s an everyday sort but contains institutional and casual types. Is there a label for it?
- 30 Rock had an episode where Liz thought Tracy couldn't read. I loved his label for it:
  "The subtle racism of lowered expectations."
  
  “Dr. Cosby said that!”
  “…no, dr. King said that.”
  “That’s racist!”
  
  That’s a fantastic way to say it.
- microaggresion?
  
  Not shure, would say microaggressions are something intentional or at least come from dislikeing the other person. This examples are rude and hurtful but I dont think that they are intentionall and come more from prejudice and bias that people picked up over they life and most people probably doesn't even recognize when doing so.
- Bigotry of low expectations!

It doesn't matter what the stats are, it's insanely rude.

Wtf? Is this someone's experience?
- I can’t speak to the ones about holding babies because I try to generally avoid that, but I’m a black woman, and I feel these to the depths of my soul.
  I remember some girl in college literally asking me “Oh, are you from a broken home?” It took me a minute to even understand the question.
- The healthcare ones are real. I hear it from my own patients. I have to apologize for my job sector too frequently to women of color.
- USA privilege, probably

Are you guys ok over the pond? I thought every panel after the second was just silly but then I read the married guy’s comment..
- Racism is one of the only institutions Americans are still willing to vote to protect.
- but then I read the married guy’s comment..
  Kinda amusing that you didnt take this seriously until you had a white male confirm it for you.
  Note: am white male, I just saw the irony (?) in the situation.
- These aren't normal questions from strangers. Unless you have a strong reason to, you don't assume details about people's lives when getting to know more about them. Even the questions on the left are presumptuous and can represent a faux pas, but they're mild enough that the recipient would likely correct any wrong premise without making it an incident. But trying to guess details reflects poorly on you if you are wrong. Mostly you would express interest in what you can see about someone as an invitation for them to share more if they care to.

https://www.deviantart.com/alexandradal/art/Questions-333046977

What is sad is that this will be viewed as normal and acceptable next year because saying it's not acceptable is "woke."

- Could it be that you're a straight white male who doesn't mix with people outside that particular bubble much? I'm one of those, and I'm willing to believe others when they say it happens, and how often. Even in those places where the majority vote for the more progressive candidate.
  
  The liberals do it almost more than the conservatives. It's more open racism and avoidance but somehow it's a kindness to talk down to people of color in the eyes of the liberal.
  
  I'm a man and I've never been catcalled, but I can believe women who overwhelmingly say it's a common experience.
  A non-black person saying they've never been followed around a convenience store, or dealt with adultification (the phenomenon where racial bias leads people to treat black children more as adults, including things like the first row in this comic assuming a young black woman is holding her own daughter).
  We all live our own experiences, so trying to deny that something happens based on not having experienced it yourself is just being obtuse.

Last question is pretty legit though. Isn't there data of how many black kids grow up without a father?
- Plenty of white guys that ditched, divorced, etc their partners after getting them pregnant as well.
  
  Nice whataboutism. Not saying anything about the reason, but you automatically go for the "the others do it too." I just question the honesty of the postulation in the meme. Since the father is more often than not in the picture, as is evidenced by data collected and more often than not an argument for why black men fall into crime more often than others, it is a valid question. Dont know why a doctor would ask such a question though. Seems fake.
- And you'd likely still find that out using the same question from the left.
  Also just some warning that there is immense racial bias in a lot of data. Take what you've heard with a grain of salt.
- Lol that's a stereotype. One parent not being in the picture is a poverty thing. Not a black thing. Since poverty disproportionately effects black Americans out seems like it's a black problem but it's a system of oppression problem.
  
  Look at the graphs and compare the relative Poverty between latinos as blacks. Then looks at the graphs showing single mothers. There is some correlation between poverty and single motherhood, clearly. But there is definitely a great disparity between the various poor that you just can't wave off as "racism". It might be systematic, but not only a system perpetrated by the white majority, cause then the graphs would be equal for latonis and blacks. So perhaps there is a systemic issue within the black community causing men to not take responsibility for their own children? https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/00027162221120759
- It is more common for black fathers to be absent according to certain demographic measures.
  However: race is not the only factor to the statistic, and the statistic in not defined well through time.
  At one point "divorced or never married mother" was the basis for the statistic. Shifting it to "father lives in a separate home" is better but still misses that you can live in a separate home and still be there for your kid. That's before you get to adoptive fathers and all the other non-biological support roles.
  For all those measures, economics is a better predictor than race. Race serving as an indirect measure of economics is its own can of worms and bias.
  Finally, a question can be statistically valid and still be biased, inappropriate, or just rude.
  "You're black, so I don't want to assume your child's father is around" is all of those.
- The fact that you "know it's a talking point" but don't know the statistics makes me feel that you should re-think who created the statistics in the first place and why.
  
  https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/00027162221120759
  Data for this study comes from the LIS, which is an archive of cross-nationally and historically harmonized individual-level nationally representative datasets. U.S. data in the LIS come from the Annual Social and Economic March Supplement of the CPS. The main advantage of using the LIS over the underly- ing CPS is the higher-quality and improved income measures that comprehen- sively incorporate taxes and transfers and therefore yield improved poverty measures. I analyze twenty-five waves of LIS data for the United States from 1995 to 2018. I select this time period because it includes all the U.S. datasets for which all variables in the study are available.1
- If you have no data about the "fact" (I wish I could highlight even more how much that is NOT a fact) and are asking users to provide evidence that supports that to you, maybe the question is not legit then, is it?
  
  Its a rhetorical question for you to see the flaw in the picture painted by the "meme" https://centerforhealthjournalism.org/our-work/reporting/impact-absent-fathers-mental-health-black-boys
  Look at the graphs for single motherhood https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/00027162221120759