Tactical Velcro Opening might apply in this situation.
Could see that coming a mile away. Still laughed.
That is a blast from the past
If you can grab a rag or similar object, muffle the top of the can and press down over that spot where the "mouth hole" is with the rag-hand as you pop the tab with the other. Try and make the rag-hand have no air gaps. In very quiet environments you will still be heard but should lower the volume a bit!
Use the tab to crack the pressure and once settled, start working around the initial rip with a flat tip screwdriver. Works well enough to hide beer from your parents, but is a lot of effort to mask it in a meeting at which point the attention you lost outweighs the insignificant disruption it'd cause everyone else
Perhaps more involved than you'd like, but you can get a "beer can cutter" which will allow you to eliminate the noise by removing the entire lid. Basically a fancy can opener.
You can also top a regular soda or beer can with one of those folding P-38 or P-51 style ration can openers. Jury's out on whether or not you'll get sprayed in the face when you first piece the can, though.
Yes. Raise the tab just enough to equalise the pressure, then use your thumb to slowly open the can hole, working from one side to the other. This video gives a tutorial using a beer, but it'll work for any aluminum drink can.
Do this, but also cover the whole operation with a towel. Not quite stealth maybe but it's about the best you can do.
Yeah with a clean towel you just open the tab until the seal breaks then use your thumb to force it open
Just don't cut yourself on the can
Stick the whole top of the can in your mouth and then use your tongue to pop the tab. Easy!
Yes. Opening it before others arrive.
They're light sleepers, is the actual sitch.
Take it elsewhere - behind a door, outside, in the bathroom with the shower running etc
Basically anywhere you'd go to sneakily jerk it.
Jerking it doesn't usually make a loud crack+pop sound. If your dick is making that sound: Please see a doctor.
Wait for a loud part of the movie and then cough while you open it.
Get a heavy blanket or jacket or something similar, and open it underneath.
That said, if you’re trying to hide drinking beer from the parents… anything trying to hide it is just going to attract more attention than simply cracking it open
Push down on the opening with your thumb while you slowly lift the tab. It's considerably quieter than opening it normally.
Fart loudly while opening the tab. The smell will chase everyone away and you can drink in peace.
Quietist way with no extra equipment is to press your thumb to the tab that goes down into the can, wouldn't be what I call stealth but cuts the noise dramatically.
It sounds like it could cut your thumb dramatically
I'm pretty bad with fine motor skills but I can pull it off.
If you can, place it on a relatively flat surface and move it in a circle for a minute or two. Not sure of how it works, but I've opened cans with nary a hiss using this method. I've even managed to do it with the can just on my thigh and trying to keep it as perpendicular as possible.
This helps dissolve the carbonation so there’s less gas pressure in the can. Another tactic is to chill the can.
That said, the loudest part is the seal or whatever getting cracked open
I can't quite picture what you're describing. Am I spinning it slowly? Is it upright or on its side?
Very slowly pull the tab so it just ever so slightly breaks the seal, so the gas escapes slowly, then use your finger to push the rest of the can open so it doesn't make that super loud "cracking open" sound.
Just be aware with this technique that going to the ER to patch up your sliced open finger is probably more distracting than the sound of the can opening.
If you're doing it slowly enough, you shouldn't cut your finger lol
Try under water.
Yes. 20oz bottles, on the other hand...
Just rip the whole top off 😅
