My mom who I haven't seen in like six years is coming to stay with me for a little under a week. She hasn't seen me in person since I transitioned but is supportive despite her conservative leanings. She's also visiting me in here in Portland from where she lives in Texas so there's a double layer of "everything is okay, the city is not on fire" plus all the new trans stuff she's going to be asking about. So it'll be a week of doing my best to be an LGBTQ encyclopedia and Portland advocate while catching up with my mom. It should be okay, but it's going to be stressful š„²
my first foster dog, chuck, is an absolute angel, and i don't say that lightly as somebody who is very realistic about a dog's personality. (my own two dogs are certified jerks, lol.) chuck gets along great with every dog he's met, loves kids, and the folks at the vet clinic said he just stood there while they did his exam, like nothing was even happening. i can attest to that, as i had to give him eye drops this evening. i've only had him about a week, and i doubt i'm going to have him much longer, because he's the dog everybody wants when they think of a great, chill pet.
Not terrible thus far. Getting over a cold and am already sick of hearing about the Twitter rebrand, but otherwise better than the past few days.
Really starting to wish that Lemmy had a way to block entire instances. It feels silly that my choices are to either block everything labeled as NSFW (including discussions, comics, etc that arenāt necessarily sexual in nature but not appropriate for work), or have to block an endless sea of furry porn on the āAllā timeline, one community at a time (no judgement, just not what Iām on Lemmy for).
Last night I grabbed a bunch of audio files for country songs that contain the phrase "ice cold beer," then I edited them together so that all the "ice cold beer"s lined up amidst the cacophony of about 5 songs being played at the same time. I thought that would be funny but it just didn't sound as good as I thought it would. Maybe if each song faded in one by one... I dunno.
Iām doing better than I was previously. Getting past some mental health hurdles, and Iām finally back to work. I start on a new team, with a new supervisor that wonāt cruelly demean me in our 1 on 1s until I start crying š still struggling a bit and I messed up my back gardening over the weekend, so that doesnāt help.
Moved to a small town earlier this year, tried to make friends, met some cool people, last month I found out one of the group was super openly transphobic, so I stopped hanging out with them. Tried to reconnect with some cousins, last week I found out one was a transphobe, homophobe, and racist, cut her off. Started to get close with a different one, found out yesterday that he was transphobic, cut him off. I'm not trans, but I don't want to be around idiots that think trans people are groomers. Feeling pretty goddamn isolated and terrible about myself. Wishing I could just stay inside and never see people for the rest of my life.
Pretty good! I just made an account here. I've been on Lemmy/Fedi/etc for a while but finally found my way to the hive.
Now I'm sipping coffee to get ready for the workday. Hope y'all have a good week.
My BF failed their exam that would have given them enough credit to not have to take a final semester. COVID and a lack of support for their mental health makes this their 6th year of college. Sadly, this means a few more months of long distance relationship, but at least he isn't at risk of being kicked out for being trans.
...For now. I'm fully prepared to make the drive and extract him from a bad situation. We're feeling better than expected, though, since now the dread of the test looming over his head is gone.
Debbie downer here! If you're having a good day, I don't want to harsh it, so skip me! :)
Apparently my mood's been off enough this week that it's been effecting people around me negatively and now I have to get restarted on meditating to hopefully fix it. But at least I do have that one option, I definitely haven't always had a path to follow when it comes to mood/feeling stuff. It just feels precarious because it's like, if this doesn't work, what comes next?
Idk, maybe this is a feeble attempt at crowdsourcing what comes next, because if that doesn't work, idk what I'll do. Probably will just shrug and try to keep moving at the very worst, it's all one can do sometimes.
But it's not all terrible, my cat is healthy, I have a job, and I have friends, so there's that :)
Tldr; this is me venting that emotions are difficult little bastards
Bit up and down. Not as productive as I would have liked thanks to mental health, but also not terrible either. I'd give it a 6.5/10
This week is starting out complicated. I have a ton to do for work and absolutely no motivation to do any of it, so I'm having to spend more willpower than I'm used to just to get started. I'm coming off of a bad weekend mood-wise and really feeling the "want to run away to a cave and live there forever" vibes, which is also taking effort to move past.
One thing that's cheering me up is planning out the details of some house changes for August/September, which hopefully will end up going well. Visualizing the end result is giving me something positive to look forward to.
Not great. My aunt died, my visa plans are all up in the air, dysphoria is in full swing, and i cant stop having anxiety attacks. But what else is new?š
Trying to get back on track, from literally doing nothing.
Goin' aight. It was fun last week, but pretty busy for a summer week for me too. I had a friend over while they were in town for the summer, got to see Les Mis while there was a performance in SF, and was unexpectedly enlisted to help another friend practice for their driving test. All a great time, but maybe I'll get some more time this week to tend to some personal hobbies and projects.
I'm honestly losing my will to live. Not actively considering sucide, but in the "I wouldn't mind if that bus just swerved into me and this bullshit could finally end" phase. Physical and mental health's down the shitter, and I'm making the mental part worse by isolating myself from my friends and the outside world in general ā partially because I'm just so tired due to health issues, and partially due to having picked up an old substance abuse problem that I tend to reach for every time I hit a rough spot, and which absolutely does not help. Haven't left my apartment in days now.
Everything feels so pointless. My immune system hates me, meaning my body has decided that everything starting from my eyes to my nervous system is the enemy, so now I'm slowly losing my eyesight and getting neuropathic pain from dying nerve fibers. After getting sick 3 or so years ago I've managed to cut almost all of my friends out of my life because I either honestly didn't have the energy to do stuff with them and keep in touch, or just spent my days sulking about how terrible I feel (and tbh there have been times I really did feel absolutely terrible, what with radiotherapy and surgery and all) instead of spending time with people who cared about me, so now nobody even asks me out to things anymore or gets in touch. Not that I had all that many friends in the first place, being a bit of a weirdo loner to start with, so it's no surprise that the few I had left evaporated when all I could talk about was how terrible I felt after getting an internal organ nuked or how I had to go to the emergency department again because of XYZ.
Slowly trying to come to terms and learn to live with chronic illness now that the acute stuff is over, but I've isolated myself so efficiently that it's hard to pick up my life from where I left it before I got sick. So right now the place I'm at is that I'm a bloated aging ruin of a person in a world that's rapidly going down the shitter, and I just feel so hopeless about, well, everything.
All in all, pretty good. I finished with intensive out patient last week, so I start regular out patient today (3 months sober!). It's my second week of my new job and so far everyone is pretty chill. My pixelfed account is trending right now (I'm not completely sure what that means/does, but either way it's cool that people are enjoying my hobby) I'm @Swanton if any of you want to check it out. It's only Tuesday, but so far so good
Been doing alright.
Feel burnt out and tired. Worst part is that when I have to sleep, I'm never tired so I end up sleeping about 5 hours. I sometimes take edibles to fall asleep, but it became a bad habit and a couple weeks ago I ran out and I was feeling some sort of dread so I stopped taking them. It has definitely affected the amount of time I sleep, but at least I don't feel groggy in the morning anymore.
I'm planning a trip with my girlfriend for our one year anniversary. We are probably going to a small cabin at a nearby lake. I'm really looking forward to spending time with her. Whiskey, good food, and my girlfriend sounds really nice, but for now we work.
Well, things have been up and down for me - lots and lots of stress factors from what feels like every potential facet of my life for a long time now. I've been working on trying to improve that where I can, and getting help from mental health professionals too.
But on the upside, yesterday I got to hang out with a couple of friends that I haven't gotten to in a while, along with meeting some of their friends, and it was a blast! We did the "Last Wish" raid in Destiny 2 which was a very fun time! It did a very good job at reminding me that even though bad things can happen, there's still some good moments to be had.
8 work days left before im finally free of the retail industry, feels good I feel like todays gaming stream also went well ( finished yakuza 1 on the ps2)
Been another week of pointless stressful bullshit at work for me, which eats into my real life outside of work more than I'd like. That being said, making some progress on finding a therapist (a surprisingly difficult process it seems) and also a driving instructor -- almost made it to 30 without learning to drive, but the time is now!
Also starting the process of ditching music streaming in favour of Bandcamp, which has been fun. Been feeling some real nostalgia for the old days of buying tracks off iTunes!
I finally discovered why my taste is messed up since I'm taking my ADHD medication. It turns out it's a side effect that doesn't disappear, and apparently I can't do anything about it.
Besides that, I've been hyperfocused in this game called Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup. Trying to pass the main dungeon, but dying miserably because of things.
And I'm watching two TV series, after several months without consuming any media, except for the news. One is "Red Dwarf". The other is "Doctor Who".
I'm very sleep deprived but doing alright. How about you @alyaza@beehaw.org?
Well, on Monday I was informed that I was not being moved to the next round of interviews for the āpromotionā I had applied for. This is the third time I have put myself forward at this place - which practically has no paths for growth or career movement. I have been giving myself this week to grieve, then next week I start planning. Iām not desperate to leave, I still like my job, but I will be crafting my next steps. It will be a challenge, which for brevityās sake I wonāt expand on here, so that has me feeling a bit anxious, blue, and trapped, but this is the grieving week. Itās all part of the stew. On the positive side, my spouse is still my rock, and a friend surprised me with her level of support, and I feel closer to her. This is great because I have been wanting to be better friends.
currently unemployed, with interviews coming up. Having a lot of fun and relaxing a lot, but funds are dwindling gradually.
I'm about to go on a two week trip to a bunch of places I've never been before! I'm super excited! Been watching a lot of the Katmai bear cam of the salmon run while I work on packing and some last minute chores. I'm excited to visit some places that are a bit more accepting of trans people than where I currently live, too.
Just got through a major pain of a week...moving around places nearby due to work going on in the house plus stupidly busy period at work means I will do basically nothing this weekend and it will be glorious!
Some ups and downs,
Back in Toronto to be with my gf (I call Seattle home atm) so woo! Also she adopted a new kitten who is just the cutest and loves laying on me because I run warm š„ŗ
But also my gf just got shafted by a weeks long interviewing process for a position she was really excited about. She's been trying to leave her toxic workplace but looks like she'll be stuck with it for a bit longer :( it's been difficult on her mental health and I'm being supportive where I can. Work stress plus ADHD means we spend a lot of time in bed in the evenings.
My works been really exciting lately but I've been mostly keeping it to myself because it feels a little rude to bring it up.
Pretty mixed, feel weirdly restless all the time since I dropped my medication at the end of the week before last week. Got a new vape which is keeping me company at least, a nice E-Elev8R ball vape. Kind of terrifying dealing with the red hot glowing metal heating as it gets up to temperature though.
Apparently my lungs are especially healthy for someone my age/demographic.
Not that great.
Starting a new (internal) role tomorrow which got me a Ā£4k payrise and is going to set me on a path to chartered accountancy, which is great when just three months ago my employer announced plans to lay off my whole department and outsource hundreds of jobs to India. After escaping redundancy and purchase ledger (I have been working in PL jobs for the past three years and desperately wanted an out), I should be feeling jubilant.
If anything I feel the opposite.
My sadness/frustration comes from the fact that my love life has all but flatlined. I grow sick of trying to use Tinder, Bumble, Okcupid, Hinge and pretty much any other dating app to exist and getting zero matches from legitimate people. I grow sick of being given false platitudes about how I'll find someone eventually, when I just know that I'm going to go through my thirties still a virgin.
Part of me seriously worries about success, that I'll soon each the point where I could command a high five figure, possibly a six figure salary, then suddenly have women flock to me not out of admiration but out of wanting my money.
Very much ups and downs here...
Had my assessment with my private medical cover over my gender identity wtf
Counselling sessions start this week.
Saw friends at the weekend which was nice... apart from the actual bbq being a pretty heavy disaster for my partner and me.
i give my week a 4/5, been busy the past few days trying to set up a Firefish instance with my partner which has been just awesome and iām super excited to open it up and get people on it! rly inspired by beehawās community-building style.
in less awesome news iām moving back home at the end of the week and iām not looking forward to it. moving is so stressful and i donāt want to be back home with my dad either lol.
A weird mix of great and awful! Recovering well from a surgery I've wanted for years, just in time for my roommate to get laid off from work! All while my computer is dead, preventing me from working myself.
Home Improvement projects are finally progressing at a decent clip. I've been stuck under some hangups that have made progress slow. We're looking into purchasing a new mountain bike for my daughter. I'm really excited to get out and do some singletrack with her and try some new things. It's a super exciting opportunity for her and I! :)
Good. And you?
It's so hot outside š«
My week's been quite the ride, just like any other week, you know? Ups and downs, twists and turns. But I'm hanging in there. And now that it's Friday and the weekend's just around the corner, I'm stoked to catch up with friends and leave the stress behind. How about you? [@alyaza@beehaw.org]
woke up to a sick dog this morning AND I had to go into the office today :(
Going ok so far here, counting down the hours till chill time! Partner, cat and weekend of gaming and chilling.
The manager if one of my jobs is on vacation and because that leaves me, another person, and three new hires (one of which hasn't been showing up for her correct shifts), I'm scheduled to work every single day until my last day (Thursday). I had to go directly from that job to my other job today. I'm dying inside.
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Deus Ex:Human Revolution. I know every part of that game and still find some fun paths/solutions I didn't know about, comforting with a bit of variety every time!
