1mo ago

Trans Megathread for the Week of December 30th, 2024 to January 5, 2025 - The Summer Hikaru Died

Here's to a new year! Here's my first mega try (also first time posting in a while due to reasons) but heya! Admittedly struggled a fair bit with self doubt and anxiety on this one as put it off for a while/other things caught up with me but I figure I'll be glad I did it once I've done it. It's kinda being done last minute though, so admittedly there's that...

I'd been intending to make the mega about something else originally when I signed up, but that would require more time on my part (and I just binge read this recently, so it all works out). Anyways, my subject of the week is The Summer Hikaru Died; it's a queer (BL) horror manga which is currently also scheduled for anime release next year (2025).

Content warnings naturally follow and further details will be spoilered.

Anyways, I should cut myself short at this (and make sure to have something properly written beforehand for next time). But anyways, thus far it's a strong recommend (if you feel alright with the content warnings) from me.

Join our public Matrix server! https://matrix.to/#/#tracha:chapo.chat

As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.

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600 comments

- I just saw your more recent comments, if this is annoying or unhelpful or you don't feel like it, don't worry about replying.
  
  To be honest, I feel like my understanding of socializing in general is breaking down.
  Everything that I have said and done and thought and posted was to convey the urgency of the thoughts in my head around gender, sexuality, friendship, trust, depression. I can't think of a point in time in which I have not needed help.
  I thought being nice and patient and helpful was what I was supposed to do. I thought that nobody cared about my feelings, because nobody was actively saying "I care about your feelings"
  I'll probably be a 30 year old dude, which is what it is. I will not be a 40 year old man.
  
  I don't understand how socialising works either. If you're asking me for help with regard to any of these things, you should tell me, even though I'm stupid.
  
  You do have to tell people things sometimes, broadly speaking. Subtext is subjective, and all. By the same turn people in your life should be making you feel that they care abou you, which it sounds like your family does not.
  
  I'm incapable of asking for help, but nice try
  I don't understand how everyone has these frameworks for themselves that just solve their understanding of the world. I've been alone with my trauma for what is entering the sixth year.
  I'm told life isn't a grand narrative, I'm told life isn't a series of unrelated vignettes with no meaning.. Hexbear seems to have solved it all.
  
  Alright well fair enough, Idk if I'd be good for anything anyway tbh. I'm fucking weird.
  I mean, does everyone have these frameworks for themselves that just solve their understanding of the world? I don't really, although I've also been basically meditating on my whole identity for like twelve years now. I think you're overestimating people's comprehension here, you're definitely overestimating mine. I ask in sincerity: why does hexbear seem to have solved it all, to you? Me, I see a lot of people who don't get stuff, often in similar ways to how I do.
  Aa far as solving shit, I've got the most mileage from yelling into the void in this here megathread, because it does have smart people who know stuff!
  
  I don't know. I don't know what good it does to type all this and just sit here atrophying. If opening up to others is just me throwing myself at someone's feet, hoping they respond, then I can't do it. I only raise issues to have discussions, I don't vent a whole lot. I talk about things because I want to talk about them and it's confusing that someone would talk about something they don't actually want to talk about. I don't know. I don't know.
  I don't know.
  If someone had told me where to go, who to talk to, the first fucking time I thought about being attracted to men, I could've had support. I could've talked about this and learned instead of growing up into some feral non-man with no sense of self and no connections and no friends. The world did not give me the grace to just understand myself the way it appears a lot of people have and do.
  I would've done and been so much for those goddamn people if they had only said what they wanted from me. If they had only listened when I told them I was struggling. It's not like anything has changed since 2019 in that regard. People have had an insane amount of time to come around.

600 comments