Coming to terms with my own inadequacy

A new year is coming. For a lot of people, it's already arrived. A new year is just another day, but I believe there's meaning in symbolism --- hilarious, I know.

I started reading Re:Zero today. Poignant? An omen, perhaps. Then, I daydreamed about talking to someone with a very high IQ (because I saw some Socrates/Plato TikTok edits). A light peaks through the curtains. I looked up something about that on YT, got a video, and the person basically says that I should actually put in the work so that I'll get what I want. Damn it!

I HATE WORKING! I DON'T WANT TO WORK!

However, there's something to be said about that. The truth is that, while very capable, I can't actually just snap my fingers and make my dreams come true. It's gonna take time, and if I manage to hurry things up by being good at what I'm doing, or increase my chances of success by putting in work, or just make my life easier by making it harder in the short-term, I should. I hate to say that, because I hate to work, and saying this is basically an admission that I'm willing to put in the work, it's like admitting defeat.

I want my life to be smooth sailing. I want to just do whatever I feel like and have it work out. I still believe it will, but I'm feeling like I want it to work out faster.

As such, I've come to terms with my inadequacy. I'm not good enough to do nothing and have it work out like I want it to. I need to actually do something, put in some work. This sucks, but hopefully it'll suck less in some 4 years? Please, wish me luck. I know this might sound very weird (or even paint a very negative image of me), but I'm very serious about this.

Anyway, about that high IQ conversation I was talking about. I wonder what it's like talking to someone like that. I often feel very frustrated, talking to others, and I wonder if talking to someone that, IDK, I guess understands the world more or something, might be a different experience. I love talking to people that know more than me about stuff. I don't know.