Last time you asked for help, folks suggested therapy. Have you looked into any of the local free options? My offer of looking for you is still on the table, just let me know what state/province etc!
I think I found the real problem. You won't get strong of you don't lift, you won't get fast if you don't run, and you won't fix your head if you aren't willing to put in effort.
It is THE most relevant to your problem. I have friends like you, they are miserable but never change anything about themselves to improve their life. I was the same, went to therapy, opened up and untangled the bullshit that was my brain. Takes effort man.
You see the replies don't you? There is more than one person pointing at the problem.