is it wrong/selfish to cut contact with my trump-supporting father?

Something I'm seeing a lot is the statement "I'm not distancing myself because of political differences, I'm distancing myself because of moral differences"
Anyone who is happy at the expense of others losing rights, is not different from you politically, they're different from humanity, as far as basic ethics.
You're not selfish. You're strong. Stronger than me and I'm proud of you for trying to fight to help your dad, but please don't do it at your own expensive. I'm pan and non-monagamous but buried further in the closet than a cable that "definitely will be useful in the future" because my family would turn on me in a heartbeat.

If you're capable of sustaining yourself then it would be wrong to maintain contact with that person.
We've experienced the Trump admin before, we've seen the news about what he is doing, anybody who still supports that asshole is beyond lost: they're the enemy.

I should not be involved with people who turn a blind eye to fascism.
Full stop.
I'm sorry to say that you already know what you have to do. There's no easy way to do it other than to just do it. If it makes the process easier, you don't have to pose it as "it's me or them" because you already know what his answer will be. If he was going to change, he's had plenty of opportunities already.
Don't wait for him anymore. Live YOUR life.

My parents are nowhere near as deep in the rabbit hole, but I’m essentially dark on communications with them at this point. Once they have convinced me that they are fighting against the current state of things, I’ll re-engage. Currently they are unaware of this fact, but it won’t be too much longer until they realize that I have no time or desire to interact with them anymore. They will have to choose and I’m at peace with either outcome at this point.
- This sounds good

“Dad, I can’t do this anymore. You do you and I’ll do me and let’s touch base again in 4 years.”

Its necessary. Do it.

It sounds like your life will be immeasurably improved by cutting him off. But it's such an intense, personal decision that I'm not sure any internet stranger could honestly say one way or the other.

I believe that if someone is supporting policies that are directly impacting your quality of life/well being you're well within your rights of cutting that person out and telling them to fuck off.
This goes beyond "politics". What kind of garbage person puts the well being of 2 handfuls of rich failsons ahead of their own children? Well, my parents for one, and your dad for another it seems.
Before cutting them out, I recommend putting it in terms similar to this. Emphasize how they have failed at the basic premise of being a parent by putting their own children's wellbeing behind that of about a handful of the wealthiest families on the planet with more resources than god. Literally subsidizing these strangers failsons at the expense of their own children.
- With Trump, it isn’t a difference in politics.
  It’s a difference in morality.

Nope, I almost did it, but he stopped pressing my buttons. He thought "grab em by the pussy" was funny, kept talking about trump. Told him the exact same thing I told the ex friend I did cut from my life: I don't associate with Trump supporters, either cut that shit out or lose my number.
They have a right to believe what they want, I have a right to distance myself and not speak to them. Their morals are fucked, I will have no part of it.

Nope. Do it. I did. It's rough at first, but it gets better over time.
You won't miss him. You'll miss the idea of who he was, but then you'll realize he was never the person you grew up believing in/admiring.
Sometimes you grow up and your dad stays your hero. Other times, you learn he's a narcissist misogynistic selfish small minded person.
Cut people like this out of your life.
- You won't miss him. You'll miss the idea of who he was
  This hits hard with some personal relationships I lost during COVID because they were anti vaccination. Couldn't be bothered to care how their decisions affect others, that was 'their problem'.

No. I ended my relationship with my mother for voting for him a second time. She saw the harm he caused. She knew the harm he would cause to people I love. She is willfully blind to his faults. I can't tolerate that anymore. Neither should you. Cut the cancer out and don't look back.

Obviously, your mental health and well-being and that of your partner are the first consideration. Please do whatever the two of you need to survive the times.
That said, when I read, "it's either me or these beliefs/trump," I wondered how you would have reacted if your dad had said you have to choose between him and being gay/your partner. I assume you might have shut the door in his face, felt good about it, and never looked back.
I doubt he'll feel any different about it.
- fair point

Your mental health must come first. You can't fix others if you're broken.

Lol, these comments saying it's selfish.
Selfish would be pushing that trump hate in your sons face.
Just like cheerleading the federal job massacre when both of your kids are feds should get you ghosted.
I would only spend any amount of time around him that you feel you want to, as someone who feels that way, you owe them none of your energy.
You don't get to always be in someones life. That's not a constant. If you act like an asshole, that person may simply decide for their mental health to get rid of you completely. And that's on you.
When people make mistakes, they apologize. But when someone is just telling you who they are, listen.

While you could try to deradicalize him, you absolutely don't owe anything to someone who not only has failed his duty as a parent to support you, but also actively opposes your rights.
(also, reminder that there is no such thing as a 'Roman' salute)
- Good luck with this, it's a cult.

a nazi supporter is also a nazi. your dad is a nazi, therefore please for the love of anything good get yourself out of that situation. you can’t negotiate with crazy and evil people.

Speaking as someone who did similar:
You will never be able to make him understand why you're cutting off contact. You may not see that now. Spork knows, I didn't for a few years. But it's true, if you try to explain he will simply try to debate or he'll push you off as immature.
To save your own sanity, all you can do is cut ties completely.
Other people here may offer differing advice. Some of them haven't been through this situation, so they can't know the torment you're going through.
I can only speak from my experience.
Cutting them off was the best thing I did for my mental health. Cutting them off was not easy. I still think of them sometimes, of what might have been. But I'm comfortable with my decision, I'm confident I made the right one. Through plenty of evidence-based psychology, I now understand the reasons.
Getting back to your first question: sometimes, it's good to be selfish for the right reasons. Maintaining your own health and well-being? That's the right reason.
Your father's desire to hurt people is far more selfish than making him discuss something. But if you make him discuss it, he will only act threatened and refuse to see your point of view.
You will only begin to heal once you cut him out of your life. I don't say that lightly.
Again, if someone hasn't lived through a situation like this (and hasn't had to make the same hard decisions), they can't understand. So don't be afraid of the naysayers.
- I hope you're feeling better now. I haven't lived through the situation you've been through, but I believe you made the right call.
  If you value someone in your life, their opinion on something this important should matter.
  If someone isn't willing to truly listen to the opinions of those closest to them, even if they disagree with those opinions, then they do not value those people as much as those people value them.
- Man this is a fucking bummer... As someone who hasn't spoken to my parents in months for the same reason, I hope you're wrong.
  
  He's not.

No, it's not selfish, although I'm sure that's what he would want you to think. You should do what is best for you.

Do whatever you can live with. That said, you have other options besides all or nothing. You can tell him that it's taxing to be around him and ask for specific behavioral changes you'd like to see to make things more tolerable. Whether or not he agrees to them is up to him, but you're at least trying for a workable relationship.
I emphasize behavioral change because he can't just flip a switch on his beliefs. No one can. Our beliefs are a conclusion based a number of factors including our experiences, the information we are exposed to, our emotions, etc. He couldn't switch his off and on any more than you could.
If you really want to affect his beliefs he will have to feel like you hear and understand them first. Be curious without expressing judgement. If he feels heard he might be more open to reciprocating that feeling and hear you out.
But you're not obligated to do that. If you can't take it then be honest with yourself and take care of you. Just don't get stuck in black and white thinking

is it wrong to cut yourself away from nazis?
- I’d rather be left than right on that.

When I found out my mom voted for Trump the first time, I didn't speak to her for a year. I only did then because she reached out to say she was wrong (a first for her).
When I explained (more like yelled) why I wasn't going to have anything to do with her, I told her in detail how she was betraying everything she raised me to be. She used to sponsor the LGBT club at the school where she worked and I told her she was betraying all those kids she said she cared about.
It isn't a choice between you and Trump. It is a choice between your dad being the type of man he raised you to be, or not.
- What lead her astray?
  
  Living in white suburbia and cable news mostly.

There is never any change without pain. You are in the right.
You want him to realize he's in the wrong? It takes pain, like the pain of "Why don't my kids visit anymore?"
If this is cruel, remember they've been doing this to you first.
- He won't understand. Do it for you, not him.

It's always right to survive.

Do what you want, God is fake.

My best friend at work is a dyed-in-the-wool conservative. He will never not be - and I rush to profess that he is not an asshole...he just thinks conservitave/republican is the side he needs to support probably because that's what daddy did, dunno. We see eye-eye on most other things.
We do not agree on anything political except that everyone is way too heated up over everything. We are still friends, regardless.
My point in responding is that his gay daughter disconnected from him after Trump v.1 - would not take a call or interact in any way. This is painful for my friend and he has been confused by it but does not realize why his daughter won't engage. I think she is offended that his political choice doesn't allow for her right to exist and, frankly I agree with her.
I think my friend has lost his daughter forever because he is a stubborn man. I hope your dad can open his heart to accept you.
- Have you ever explained things to him about his daughters viewpoints? Just tell him "Ya know, (his name), I've been thinking. People with (his hair color) shouldn't have the right to exist. People with (his hair color) are just no good, rotten nasty people! They don't have the right to live on MY planet, breathing MY air! Right? Don't you agree?"
  And make it as absurd as actual racism/homophobia is. Make it clear that you hate him for things he was born with, and he now has to pay for being a dirty (color) hair'd person! Don't be shy. Be as hateful as you've seen people like that be.
  Then ask him how he feels about you. Get him yelling at you. Get him insulting you. Ruffle his feathers. Smile at every insult he hurls.
  And then tell him "What I have just shown to you is a mirror. I have acted as you have acted to your daughter. These are the messages she hears you saying to her. It was hard to hear wasn't it? You didn't want to hear a single further thing out of my mouth. THAT is the same experience that your daughter has when you spew those same messages at her.
  YOU are an individual. YOU have the ability to change your views. All I can do is hold up the mirror to show you what version of you you're projecting into the world. Your daughter is an individual, and she has the right to live her life any way she wants. With or without you. If you care, it's up to you to be the version of yourself that she wants in her life. Not the version you try to force into her life."
  After that, there's literally nothing more you can do. Slap him with reality, and if he continues to be shitty to his family, he can die alone.
  
  Oh yeah get them angry at you, than they’ll calmly sit by and listen to reason despite never reasoning themself into their belief in the first place.
  Just be honest, tell him his choice is for a country that actively hurts his daughter. If he doesn’t hate her, why enable her suffering.

I wouldn't know what's "wrong" or "right" in these kind of matters.
You should do whatever is better for your mental health.
Are you better without having contact with your father or having contact with him?
It's the only question here.
You should be aware that you would not change his mind with this or make him question his beliefs. If something his beliefs would probably grow stronger after something like that.
You also should be aware that that action would have zero impact on the far right campaign.
So if you do this is for your own mental benefit, nothing else. Don't let any kind of pressure on any direction force you to do anything that's not the best for your mental health.
I would also consider just lowering the amount of contact and see how it goes instead of completely cut ties (an action that would have life lasting consequences)
To be true, for what I read, if I was in your situation I wouldn't cut ties. You said that he supports you, and for me that's the important thing in a father. I personally have no issues having personal relationships with people with vastly different political ideologies. My mental health does not suffer from that. But every person is different, so you do what's best for you.

I don't think it's selfish. At all.
If you let him know you'll be there for him whenever he decides to leave the cult, you're pretty much being generous. You don't owe him forgiveness, but offering it up front might also make it easier for him to one day get out. And it might make it easier on you as well.

no. the entire personality of a trump supporter is donald trump. cutting yourself off from them at this point is not about politics as far as I'm concerned. it's about morals. these people have shown, as many as two times, that they are cool and support every thing he does and says. that's a moral issue. and cutting out the people who have the same morality as trump is not a you problem.

By definition it is selfish I'd say. BUT! Huge "but" here, like you wouldn't believe - sometimes it is alright to be selfish. Sometimes you just need to put yourself first. This is most definitely one of those times.
- I would go further and say that sometimes it’s neccessary to be selfish to protect yourself
- The instructions are to put your own oxygen mask on first before aiding others....
  e: ducking autocorrupt

you can't demand people to change, it has to come from within. you can only talk to them and try to change their point of view. that certainly may not work in this case. your issue is not about if your father can live without you, but if you can live without him. if the answer is yes, then spending less time with him may be better for your mental health. also, you don't need to cut ties immediately completely. you can do that gradually to see if it is the right decision for you.

Not selfish at all.
I've cut so many people from my life. I have a rule. If you exist in my life, and all you do is make me angry, there better be a REASON you're making me angry. Like when I was TRYING to get my dad to accept help from the government a few years back. His roof is failing. It's only getting worse. Our city has a roof replacement program for seniors. Totally free roof. His house is rotting. When it rains outside, it rains inside.
So yeah, I fought him for 2 years trying to get him to take the roof.
Yeah I made him angry, but it's because I care about him. And the fight is about getting him to take care of himself.
Unlike my sister, who will call, just to argue, and fight, with no real reason. I don't answer her calls.
And when I've had "friends" that only care about you when they need something, fuck off. I'm a generous person, who people think they can take advantage of. And I guess they can to a certain extent. I don't mind helping those in need. But there comes a point when you realize "I only see this guy every few months, and only when he has some sob story, and needs something".
THATS when I stop talking to friends. OR when I realize that I'm ALWAYS the one who has to innitiate contact. Like if I just stayed silent, the friendship would just be over. Ok then. Guess you never think about me if I'm not already in your presense. I don't need those people in my life.

No. Fuck Trump supporters. Their toxic hate is a detractor worthy of being cut off. If he can’t see how toxic he is, put him in that position and make him choose. Help him understand the truth of project 2025 and then let him decide if being “a man” is more important than being a father.

I pretty much did the same when my dad kept trying to push his politics on me during the last trump presidency. It sucks, but at the end of the day I’m a happier person. Hope they get their shit figured out.
Hope you find the same.
❤️

My brother didn't vote and in person around family, he is not a Trump supporter but he is conservative. Publicly via social media, he's never once said a bad thing about Trump and has never hesitated to strawman shit on Dems. During the run up to the election, he made some comments about Kamala after the first debate, and it was all just horseshit takes. I typed a dozen messages and deleted them because what I was going to send would have been one of those things you don't come back from. Instead I've completely cut him out of my life and I'm on active avoidance. The only saving grace for him, is that I know he didn't vote for Trump, which means almost nothing, but he didn't actually do the worst thing. Because of that, in 4 years, I'm going to assess the damage of this Presidency and make a choice on if I will ever even consider seeing him again or if he's dead to me. I will never forgive him and we will never have a relationship, but there's a chance that we might both be able to go to familial gatherings, like funerals in the future.
For me, this isn't a very difficult decision. We've never really been super close since he's quite a bit older, but we were good. I'm fully prepared to miss significant events to avoid him. I'm not sure what your relationship with your father is like, but one thing you have to consider is how it's going to affect anything else family related, like family reunions, funerals, weddings, holidays, etc. Make sure that you think of all of the effects this may have before jumping the gun and doing something you can't undo. You can certainly try and salvage the relationship and have a serious heart to heart where you lay it all out, and if that's not enough, then I suppose that the decision is easier. Alternatively, if you're ready to be done, you have the option of sending him something with a reason, telling him what's up and bye, or ghosting him. If you ghost him, that will make any chances of rebuilding a future relationship a lot harder.
Best of luck.

We all have the right to establish clear boundaries of behavior we won't tolerate.
You can't force your dad to respect them, but it's not selfish to pull away when he fails to.
I'm sorry you have lost your parent in this way. It's awful.

Do you allow a gangrenous left foot kill the rest of your body because half your shoes wouldn’t fit anymore? Cut it off don’t look back and I promise you will finally find peace. I did it with parts of my family and after a few years I still don’t regret it.

I love guns, especially when they are used by people like mario’s bro…. Allegedly.
But no you're not mot wrong, these billionaire turd cutter tongue punchers are intolerable. They are too dumb to understand they support blatant fascism and that conservative and neo liberal center right conservative policies over the last 5 decades have ruined this country while they praise an administration tripling down on the same policies that brought us here and the empty space between their ears calls a corporate owned controlled opposition party “the radical left” because democrats tepidly support trans and human rights in general (at a bare minimum) meanwhile they ignore any actual true leftist economic policies and always support capitalist imperial hegemony. We live in fucking bizarro world and i cant take these fucks anymore.

Haven’t spoken to my brother in years because of that, and we’re not even Americans or living in America.
I’ve cut off everyone who ever expressed a positive opinion of him.

Talk to him. And however that conversation goes if you feel like cutting contact then cut contact. Family or not toxicity sucks. And you, like many other people, can make a new family from friends

You should limit interactions for your own mental health. This will be unpopular among the more strident hardliners, and I cannot presume to know your situation. Some, if not most of Trump supporters are woefully misinformed. Cutting them off can make them more defensive and further entrenched.
As time progresses, the cognitive dissonance they are experiencing will become overwhelming and they will need a place to land. We cannot confront this with tough love. Eventually some of them will see Trump for what he is, and only with patience and compassion can we bring them over. The time to take sides will come, and we will need everyone who is willing to help.

It's about you, you're not doing it to make a point. You're doing it to protect your mental health. Maybe you can approach it from that angle with your father. And if he carries on the way he did then I guess he got a fair warning.

I think it's best to straght ghost them, but I haven't personal had to do that to family-- only family friends. They won't change their views for you, it's really just for your own mental health and a clean cut is so much more satisfying.
It's always probably they'll change on their own eventually and want to reconcile and if that happens, there's always a way to find someone if one tries hard enough. And if he doesn't change? People like that deserve to die alone.

third is basically going on strike from your relatives

You went on an anti-Trump social media to ask for advice whether you should permanently cut ties with a member of your family, who doesn't bother you, doesn't cause issues to you, just has a different political opinion to you / supports the other "tribe". Remember the story of Soviet kids who gave up their parents to the authorities, because they hid food for them when it was illegal? That's you right now.
- Remember the story of Soviet kids who gave up their parents to the authorities, because they hid food for them when it was illegal? That's you right now.
  I don't see how that's the same at all tbh
  
  "Holy false equivalence, Batman!"
  
  Both are destroying families because of politics and being convinced by people who don't know them, that their family is worth less than ideology.
- struck a nerve, clearly.

Just cos u don't agree with someone for some of their ideas that's no reason to cut them off. Tell him u don't agree explain why and tell him u don't want to discuss it with him and if he forces u to u will leave.
U can fundamentally disagree with someone and still have a respectful relationship.
Think about it from his perspective u are associating/supporting people he believe are just as bad as u believe elon/trump is. It sounds like he is still respectful of you for who you are.
- "Yeah, sure my friend here is a nazi sympathiser, but he respects me"
  It's important to be tolerant and to respect other people even if we disagree on things. But there are limits to that.

There's no benefit to cutting contact as a matter of principle. It won't impede Trump even a little and it probably won't change your dad's political views either. Is he willing to avoid talking to you about politics? Do you enjoy his company when he isn't talking about politics? If the answers to these questions are "yes" then I see no good reason to hurt him and yourself by cutting contact.
I think that every two people in my family have serious disagreements about some issue, but the world wouldn't become a better place if we all argued and then stopped talking to each other.
- The “benefit” is OPs mental health. That counts for quite a bit.
  This isn’t merely a difference of opinion. OP is gay, and OPs father is knowingly supporting a group that hates gay people. No amount of kind words can ever overcome that.
  … the world wouldn't become a better place if we all argued and then stopped talking to each other.
  That’s entirely true. Unfortunately, MAGA supporters are far beyond more moderate Republicans. The father’s beliefs are so extreme that no compromise is possible.
- you dont let a nazi sit at your table, even if they share dna. then you have a table of nazis.

How do I approach the topic with him and tell him it's either me or these beliefs
Do you need to change your father's mind? Can't you just spend time together and not talk about politics?
Is that selfish of me
Yes, your requiring people in your family to agree with you or you will leave them.
- If someone associates with a group that won’t accept my right to exist, I wouldn’t want them in my life either. I guess I’m a selfish bastard, too.
  
  OP didn't indicate their father didn't think they had a right to exist.

There's a distressing trend of people (self-identifying "progressives", for the most part) abandoning family because of ideological differences, so most here will probably tell you to cut contact.
I don't know you or your father, but as a dad myself, I can tell you that if he has the slightest decency as a parent, he'll be willing to listen if you come from a place of love and respect. Tell him how you're personally affected by his actions. Appeal to his paternal instinct. At best, you could convince him to rethink his ideology. If that fails, you can hopefully get him to agree to avoid discussing politics with you.
It's especially important now, with a nationwide financial collapse looming, for family to stick together.