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Greentext @sh.itjust.works

MrJameGumb @lemmy.world

1d ago

Anon needs help to solve the mystery

89 comments

I dunno how exhausted or drunk you’d have to be to pass out with one of those things inserted. Seems like it’d feel like a turd half out and your body would prefer you deal with that and not fall asleep.
- Nah good ones are pretty comfy and after a while if you don't cause it to shift you forget it's there

It's another carbon monoxide poisoning poisoning

Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.

I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.
"Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing."
- Hey I had a roommate that would steal my inserted butt plugs while I was sleeping.
  
  And then what?
- Occam's razor and all that
  
  Occam's buttplug

It's a riddle. It was made of ice.
- Or chocolate
  
  ... some stay dry, others feel the pain.

Do people actually do this?
- I do yea
- People aren't buying all those butt plugs for decoration. People fall asleep. I don't imagine many people sleep with them on purpose, but certaintly possible to pass out with a butt plug in place.
  
  Sorry, I thought the implication was that someone intentionally slept with one in. I don't know how you'd sleep like that.
- Maybe? This came from 4Chan so it's very possible it could be entirely made up lol
  
  "The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."
  Literally on 4chan as a header.
  
  Made up aaaaand?
  
  4chan makes me believe it more in this case
  
  Anything on 4chan I assume isn't real, but pretend it is. More fun that way.
- I've done it before
  
  Username checks out...
  
  May I ask why? No disrespect intended, just trying to understand.
  
  And you'll do it again?
- Mentally ill people perhaps
  
  You sleep with poop inside of you every night, hoping your muscles will save you, we are just being responsible.
  
  Prude

Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.
Know your local mythology.
- Shart Fariy 🧚💩
  
  The more timid subspecies of the feared diarrhea-jet-superpropulsion fairy.
  Some say a mere glance of this fairy can have you leave orbit!

It's under the bed.

Anon needs to go to a hospital soon
- but sadly, Anon is American
  
  The worst condition of them all.

Must have been the wind
- Maybe just a homeless guy

Did it have a flared end?
If yes:
It's in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn't remember.
or
He pooped it out while sleeping and his dog ate it.
If no:
Butt plug goblins.
They can be warded away with a metamucil potion.
- Way worse than your dog eating your homework

Mmmm, that's some fresh greentext too!
- So fresh it's still green
- Yeah it doesn't have the remnants of being compressed to .jpg over 1000 times over. Just doesn't have the same feeling with it though.
- Oh wow. I've never seen one this fresh!
  
  Funny, that's the same thing a stray cat said when it found that butt plug.
- Ambiguous. Could be September 3rd.
  
  And from the future apparently

i rate this greentext fake on scale of 1 to gay

A wizard did it.
- but anon's a wizard himself
  
  and then the doctor says "I can't operate on this wizard... he's my son!!"
  
  Anon is a Butt Wizard I think is what you meant

Aliens

Was getting in the way of the aliens probing anon
- some alien intern tought they forgot their probe in Anon, then when they got to their ship their boss was like "no that's not for us"

butt plug tom strikes again

It was all a dream

Anon ate too much hot sauce and it dissolved
- You only make the mistake of using a calcium carbonate buttplug once.

The chocolate buttplug

Perhaps Anon inserted it in a dream?

I don’t want to guess

89 comments