Jesus fish

So this guy the Romans sent to the colonies to persecute christian cultists got lost and hallucinated meeting with Jesus, turned around, and started converting Romans to Christianity instead. They kept all the same stuff from the old polytheistic religion except now they sacrifice goats, do confessions, uphold patriarchy, drink wine and eat bread in service of the one true G.

Except, the Romans brutally tortured and nailed his naked ass to the cross... How do you spin that? Say it was all for our suffering, of course! That it was completely consensual and part of the plan. And since Romans spread Christianity far and wide across Europe it became the standard.