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  • She was thrilled about the recent UK court ruling on trans women. I was not. We have different opinions on a lot of topics, with some heated discussions, but this was different. She made a lot of nasty remarks about a woman we both know, who is possibly trans - I don't know, it's none of my business - calling her a man and implying she was a potential rapist. This was beyond an opinion that was different from mine, it was a verbal attack on someone I respect, who's never done her any harm. We haven't spoken since.

    • I always find it strange when someone focuses in on trans people. Of all the issues in the world THATS what they care about

      • It is strange, isn't it? I honestly don't care what's going on in someone else's pants, it's none of my business. Now and then I have to remember a new name and/or gender, no big deal. What books they're reading is much more interesting.

  • ::: TW: diabetes, death

    A very dear friend of mine got very sick and I saved her life. I mean this literally- I stopped by to check on her after work because I knew she wasn't feeling well, and being a trained first responder, I recognized that she was in danger and called 911.

    Getting her stabilized took a few days. I dropped everything and cared for her son (caring for special needs son during day, working night shift at night). When she was finally able to return home I was so exhausted I handed off the helping-around-the-house phase to her ex-husband and slept for a few days.

    Several months later, she finds out she needs surgery. I'm asking her about if she's made plans for her recovery and she keeps not answering me. I finally make an off-hand comment about how, since she won't talk to me about it, I was assuming her other friend must be handling it, and she says something about how since I didn't help her last time, she wasn't going to bother me this time.

    In absolute shock, I answered in monotone all the things I did for her. I left. I didn't talk to her much again after that. We happened to cross paths and she hugged me and thanked me for saving her life... but the truth is, while I was hurt, I knew she was septic. I knew she could've forgotten what I did. I used it as an excuse.

    I'm an educated person. The thing that put her in the hospital is very, very dangerous. It was a miracle she survived, but it's one of those things where most people are dead within a year.

    She made it a year... and then died shortly after. I couldn't hide my lack of surprise when the news came. I can't say I was relieved? Just that I'd already grieved. I knew this was coming, so it was as if it had already happened.

    Anybody reading this; one of the compounding factors in her death was her diabetes. It was often poorly managed. If you're in your 20s and not taking your metformin, if you're in your late 20s, or 30s, and not taking your insulin, I don't care what your excuses are. I don't care what your nonsense is. (If you're too poor, that's not an excuse. That's a good reason. Only those of you who are truly too impoverished are exempt from my speech.) If you aren't treating your diabetes, you are the reason you are going to die. Sooner than you think. You're going to die, it's going to hurt, and it's going to be your own fault. And for most of you, you're signing up your family or the people you care for to suffer, and for a long time before you finally die.

    I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm so heartsick from watching perfectly preventable deaths from people who just can't be bothered. I hate seeing it coming a million miles away. :::

  • I left the cult we were both raised in. She decided we couldn't be friends anymore. That was 17 years ago and I still dream about her ~once a week.

    • Cults are really hard to break free from, the coercive control can take over every part of our lives. You've done amazing getting out, but leaving her behind must have been hard.

  • My (now)-ex.

    She stayed by me, through thick and thin, as my ex came close to ruining my life. She begged for me to leave, she even went toe to toe with my ex as violence entered our relationship, so many situations where she had my back, without care for own safety. I just couldnt leave, I still love the person my ex was (and at times, still is - but the alcohol slowly won the war), we have a child together and years of memories, its still hard to completely let go. There was one time too much, one time where I saw in her eyes she couldnt do it anymore, and she walked away. And useless me just watched, crushed those emotions deep inside and went on.

    My ex, is my ex, not because I was strong enough to walk away in the end, but because my ex decided they had had enough of me, and blamed me for their alcoholism.

    I know our friendship is dead and gone Lisa. But thank you for being there. It helped to not be alone during most of that time.

  • Seven years of friendship down the drain because while at a park together there was a large group of Puerto Ricans. It was then she decided to, loudly, let me know her distain for the people, not just folks from PR but all Spanish speaking people. All of them. Wtf.

    About a month prior her recent high school graduate son, decided to use tik tok as his research reference to explain to me why the earth was flat- I laughed in his face tbh and told him to get that nonsense out of my face, asked how he graduated without knowing how scientific research works.

    I just ghosted her. The racist shit was the nail in the coffin, I am just upset it took so long for me to realize that was her opinion. The stuff with her son just made me lose respect for her as a mother. Her response to to me sbout her son was a joke, "hey, I believe in spheres".

    Looking back on the friendship, idk if it was even that. More than once I just felt like her therapist. She'd only ever come over to my place for a "shesh". She never invited me out to anything she was doing. Sometimes we'd have our sesh hiking, but often I felt it was a "her" dominant friendship.

    She also blew her entire inheritance, a quarter mil, in 10months. Botox, temu, pre made food from the fancy expensive place, $20,000 veneers, 100 shoes, clothes, makeup. She did buy her daughter a car, and herself a car, probably a good thing because around the time she decided to drop her racist opinions, the money was about to run out and she was planning to move into her car.

    How do you go from a quarter million to homeless in ten months is beyond me. Most of it was chasing her vainity because as a 40 year old woman, her self confidence was in the shitter, and only cared about looking young and pretty. She was beautiful and I loved her scrunchy wrinkles on her forehead. She didnt need to chase vainity spending $100,000 or more on it. I told her to find a man who loved her for her, my husband loves me just as I am, she could have that. She didnt need multiple botox injections and fake teeth to find that. She was out of work due to a injury sustained from an accident, she needed to budget her money. It was so foolish. She was so focused on finding a partner after leaving a toxic 20 year relationship.. too focused on it. She basically only stayed with guys who would put her down. She would cry to me about the mean things they would say to her, and then go back to them. I lost another friend to this once before. Don't date men who call you names. If you have the means to leave, and chose not to, it's on you after a time. Chosen suffering.

    Anyway, She lost her business during this time, and Idk how she's doing today. She was a fun gal who just made consistent horrible choices. I was already starting to distance myself beforehand, she just helped me seal the deal with her ignorant comments. A younger version of me would have tried to teach her how ignorant and racist she was being, but with so much to overwhelm me with this friendship, it was easier this way. I do still wonder how life worked out for her these last few years.

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