I feel so lonely
I feel so lonely
I have almost no friends, and I don't get much out of the friends I have. We don't share many of the same hobbies and we all live pretty far apart. Some are also pretty right wing, and me being a closeted trans woman, makes me fear that I will lose them if I come out.
I want to go to meetings of my party (or protests where my party is present) so I can build connections with people who I share the same worldview with but have only been able to go a couple of times and most of the time when there's a meeting or protest I am busy with something else.
When it comes to going out, it sucks going to concerts on your own, because no one else around you wants to go. I do have one friend with whom I go to concerts sometimes, but that's when he asks me to join him. When it comes to my concerts, it's musicians he doesn't like. I could ask my parents or my brother but they also don't always like the musicians I like. I just want to a have a steady group of friends so there's always someone available to do fun stuff with together, whether that be going to a concert, clubbing, sport events, etc. If one friend can't go or doesn't want to, I can always ask another friend. I don't have that privilege right now.
At least I am now able to go out alone, in the past I would've just stayed at home, but having to go out alone still hurts. And in some cases I still don't want to go out alone. I don't want to go to a bar alone for example.
And it's not like I want a best friend, all I want is some extra friends. This situation right now is making me feel more alone and it's hard to stay positive.
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This spoke to my soul, i really feel this
I cry in traffic sometimes to and from work or school. I used to have more life in me
Have you been able to find people who you can be at least partly yourself to?
I'm glad to know I am not alone in feeling so isolated and different than everyone else.
In my first year of therapy, i described similar issues as yourself in feeling alone and i described how after my break up that going to the movies, go eat, or going out to dance just wasn't the same, and she recommended I do it alone. She said just do it throw yourself out there see how to goes. I began to find that i had a better time than before with bad influencing friends or dates. In fact i met more people and made some pretty cool friends, it won't always be the case but it's a matter of just putting yourself out there and eventually a conversation will strike up somewhere with someone.
Those concerts, sports events, and clubbing may actually go better because you might meet more people at them.
My only closest friends right now don't see eye to eye with me politically, i would love more commie friends myself, but they mean well and i find that even if i can't decondition them past US propaganda, I find that their hearts are in the right place when you break it down on certain issues. I am not trans but if i were to come out, i know my friends would have my back. If your current friends don't have your back like that maybe you need new ones.
My mental health currently ain't at its best honestly, but i highly recommend you keep going out alone you will make new friends you align with. Especially as a with your local commie party.
Cities are often more accepting of those that are different, but I also know it is often very expensive to live in cities. I hate how transphobes can't understand treating people like people.