You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a woke criminal.
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you've been licked by, you've been sucked by
a pube criminal
Given there exists a gay p0rn featuring the Semen Arsonist, I can see a pube criminal who leaves behind pubes after getting off on his dirty fetish be a thing.
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy: