Depression and gender dysphoria. It's not very dramatic nor fast-acting, it just ate away at me for a decade until I was sure I wasn't gonna survive the next few years.
The fear of death doesn't go away, it just starts to seem like the least terrible option. And it's one thing when you get those impulses to do it, but it's even scarier when you feel calm and levelheaded and still feel you should do it.
It is a dramatic thing. Growing up gay in the 2000s in a small narrow minded town basically broke me and my essence. It's an undeserving hell built by ignorant people.
Good luck with life. Hopefully things get better with society.