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You know how the very first introduction to programming in schools is a thought experiment that involves listing a set of rigorous instructions to make a sandwich?

I really wish programming tutorials for absolute beginners were exactly like that. Like please program my dumb ass to learn programming.

Ideally a tutorial would Just assume I know nothing at all. In fact, assume I'm some medieval serf from 1320, motherfucker. Assume I've never heard of a computer before, never mind used one. Assume I've lost two dozen children to the plague, scurvy, smallpox, and conscription into wars with neighboring fiefdoms. Assume I'm currently imprisoned in the oubliette for hiding grain under my floorboards. Assume I speak in such a thick accent from bumfuck nowhere that it is entirely unintelligible to both contemporary nobility and modern English speakers alike. Assume I'm illiterate. Assume I've never washed my penis before. Assume I've never wiped my ass.

I'm talking about a tutorial that involves a thorough description of each and every click of the mouse. Rigorously define every single word that has programming relevance. Leave no stone unturned, if you're even slightly vague about any step I guarantee you I will fuck it up! It'd be sick as hell if such a lesson plan existed for every common programming language

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  • Assume I’ve never washed my penis before. Assume I’ve never wiped my ass.

    Pretty sure the peasants bathed fairly frequently, it was the nobles that didn't, because they wanted to show off how little work they actually did that they didn't "need" to wash themselves.

    Though I agree, trying to learn Python right now and it'll be giving me a bunch of code like:

    class Item(store.object):
        def __init__(self, name, desc, icon=False, value=0, act=Show("inventory_popup", message="Nothing happened!"), type="item", recipe=False):
            global cookbook
            self.name = name
            self.desc = desc
            self.icon = icon
            self.value = value               
            self.act = act # screen action
            self.type = type # type of item
            self.recipe = recipe # nested list of [ingredient, qty]   
    

    And just assume I already know what all of this does and provide 0 explanation on any of it, except for a couple of comments that don't help. Like yeah, "type" is going to be the type of item, but why are we def init here? What does that mean? Does it need the two underscores? Do they do anything different if I do one instead? Why are we organising things this way, is there another way, or is this the only way? No step by step instructions or education, just assumptions that I know what any of this means. I'm an artist, not a programmer dammit! I don't want to just copy-paste stuff and hope that it works, I want to understand it so I can expand upon it and actually Learn from tutorials!

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