I'm slowly learning to be less hard on myself about it. My friends tell me I sabotage myself by trying too hard due to some not great beliefs about myself (that each "failure" in dating then serves to reinforce) so I'm trying to take their advice, scale that back, and just focus on making new friends for now. I'll have to see how it goes for my mental health and I'm turn ability to not self sabotage over time but it feels like a better approach than my previous obsessively browsing 5 different apps for hours a day desperate for a match at least
There is 8 billion people in the world it can take some time to sift through the rough ones to find and connect with a good one. Keep your chin up or you might miss her walking by :)
A mutually destructive long-term relationship with an aggressively sadistic transwoman who keeps me tied up when I sleep and rapes me multiple times per day, and neither of us have any limits or inhibitions to prevent one from molesting the other at any time, but she dishes out discipline when she deems I deserve it, and the fruits of our love are watered with tears.
I don't know if it's my #1 fantasy I'd list here but I'm similar. I'd want to be in my SO's ass while the guy is in her vagina. The idea is hot either way though. Good one.