How to connect?

I just got back from two days at a giant conference. Every year I go, and my dream is to join in the community that it is a part of, and every year I come back, having talked to no one at all.

I can plan things to say, and then just shut down when the opportunity comes. I can also plan too far and figure that I won't have anything more to say after the initial contact, so why bother?

I've read various books on social anxiety and the old "How to win friends", but I just don't feel like they're helpful. Does anyone know of any resources that take autism and selective mutism into consideration?