Just got done at the doctor, over explaining everything to the point of them tuning out. I feel like such a loser right now.

Not a lot of info to go on here, but I had a thought - maybe it doesn't apply to you, but I bet it applies to someone.

"Over explaining everything to the point of them tuning out." Part of the interpersonal interaction of explaining something to someone is that you are expecting to receive a reply from the other person that indicates that they understand what you are telling them. Different people will be satisfied with different replies. I feel like it's not uncommon for someone on the spectrum to need a kind of clearly stated reply that most people don't give. In a case like that, you have to be very clear yourself about what you need back from the other person. They may have given what they think is an indication that they understand you, but if you didn't receive it, there's the breakdown. Sometimes you have to teach people, even if ever so briefly, how to converse with you for the best results.

Another thought is that no explanation of anything from one person to another will ever produce a perfect understanding in the recipient. Language, culture, how brains work differently - all of these get in the way of understanding to a degree. You'll usually need to be satisfied with "good enough," because the other person having the exact same understanding as you is just not possible.

Again, if any of this is off the mark for you personally, please don't take offense. I am definitely not trying to tell you what to think or how to be. But your post got me thinking about myself, and my interactions with doctors over the years, and these notions have been helpful for me. I hope they can be helpful for you and anyone else who happens to pass by.

Oh yeah I've been there before, I want to disseminate as much details as possible in case it changes the dr's outcome. But in my experience they're probably tuning me out because they already got a diagnosis and treatment from the first few things I described to them. They're professionals and good Drs will also know every permutation of what you're describing and so it kinda comes off as not paying attention.

Although I do agree better bedside manners could help. But I also think there's probably a lot of Drs on the spectrum too and I know of I was a doctor I'd probably come off as tuning out people like all the time, despite actually listening intently. Dunno if any of this helped just my exp.

Scrubs had an episode about this. I think it was 15 seconds that they actually paid attention.

I understand the current setup (in the US, anyway) is that doctors get an average of three minutes per patient in a given day. Which is not long at all.

Not much better in my part of the UK. You're lucky to get an appointment in 2 weeks and then you're appointment is usually late because other people overrun and then you're rushed in your own appointment because the GP/Dr is so far behind.

Been there, done that. Now I go in with a print out of what I want to convey and let it do the talking. It goes much better for me. If you like I can generic-ify my template and share it, once I'm off mobile.

YES
- I've uploaded a pdf version of my template to ~~https://jmp.sh/s/IgHX1wC0dubcJVDBm0OU . That link'll expire it 24 hours. If you know of a better place to upload a pdf, I'm happy to post it there.~~ https://workupload.com/file/DmfBpT6xpHD .

I’m so sorry.

Thank you. That really is nice.

It was fresh, and right on the heels of me getting ready for the doctor and completely not thinking that my wife needed to get ready too. She felt uncared for, and I had to explain, again, that the thought just never crossed my mind.

I'm really tired of being captive to my disability and my actions telling everyone "he's self-involved" or "he doesn't care about you", when my family is the only thing that gives my life meaning. But it doesn't show.

Nah nobody's normal. Judgemental people are just not as nice and that's their own flaw haha

Sorry you're feeling that. It is so frustrating to feel like the people who you need to help you aren't listening.

For the last 7 years I've been going to doctors to figure out a handful of random symptoms; fatigue, headaches, dizziness, nausea, irritability. The symptoms would come and go but were very disruptive when I had them. In 7 years, I've spent thousands of dollars. I've seen doctors, naturopaths, therapists, psychiatrists, endocrinologists. No one has ever given me any insight into what is going on. I've gotten very good at explaining my symptoms concisely but that didn't change the care I received. I've been extra irritable lately and I finally decided to get a full physiological evaluation and while I was awaiting my results I realized I have autism and ADHD and that I've been dealing with meltdowns and burnout. No wonder no one could diagnose me, burnout is not really a recognized medical condition. I feel like I lost a huge chunk of my life and that I only figured out how to improve my health because there are so many people telling their stories on social media.

Sorry to highjack your post, but I just had this huge breakthrough and I want to shout it from the rooftops but also don't want to tell anyone I know IRL. 😬

Not hijacking, sharing. It's life-changing, but can also be frustrating. You have to let go of the past, because the present will present you with plenty of difficulty even knowing what's wrong. But there's joy, and love too. And part of that comes from telling people you know.

I encourage you to take a risk on someone you feel has the empathetic ability to receive the information you have. If there isn't someone, then try a therapist, they're good at listening and you have no history with them, a perfect combo!

I've accepted that I'm never going to be normal, and I've stopped trying. Instead, I find people and places where I can be my abnormal self freely because I have every right to exist how I want as long as I'm not hurting others. Those people that like to throw shame around, whether explicit by saying it or implicit through gestures, can dump it on someone else. Leave me out of that.

Normal people maintain stability. We shake things up. Play your part. Share minute details. Create art. Feel the vibration of life. You be you, booboo ❤️

Thank you, good words
- You're welcome 🙂