TL;DR - I want surgeries so I can get rid of erotic sensitivity. I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has had any top or bottom surgeries, especially if they had such surgeries for the same reasons as me. What was your experience like? Were there risks that it wouldn't work? Did you have to do anything to make it more likely work? Were there any surprises you wish you knew, even if they weren't serious? (Especially if they were serious!) Also would welcome links to posts or videos by someone who's already gone into details too.
Also a quick point I want to pre-emptively address, since it's a common one I get in my life... if you'd rather say, "You shouldn't get rid of your sexuality, it's good, it's natural, it's part of being human, have you tried to just enjoy it" etc. While I appreciate the concern, before you post such a thing, please bear in mind that I have real life experience; I have some success in 'turning off' my sexuality, it has always only been good. Invariably, the less sexual I am, the happier I am. And yeah, I have tried to 'just enjoy' it. Yeah, under the guidence of a psychiatrist. Yeah, it doesn't work. There is no possibility for me to 'just enjoy' sexual feelings, similar to how there is no possibility for most people to 'just enjoy' being bitten by a swarm of fire ants. Trust me, I am me, therefore I would know. I have had 5 to 10 thousand orgasms in the past 22ish years, I liked 0 of them, hated all of them. No, there's no abuse, I just can't enjoy sexual feelings is all. If that makes me inhuman, so be it, I don't want to be a valid human then. I have something more important for me to be anyways: My Self. ❤
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Lengthy rant ensues: I want top and bottom surgery, probably something like gender nullification surgery, with the primary goal of losing all erotic/sexual sensation and functioning. Currently looking at nipple&areola excision, penectomy, and orchiectomy. Ever since I was able to have any sexual feelings at all - be it lust, the sensations that either increase lust or lead to orgasm, and orgasm itself - I have hated those feelings. I have been taking mediciations (varries over the past ~3 years, ethinyl-estradiol+cyproterone acetate [EE+CA] being the best so far) to tank my libido and impair sexual functioning, such as to cause erectile dysfunction or make orgasm feel less intense. I have had great success with getting rid of my libido for a roughly 1 year period. Exactly as I always knew would be the case, the less sexual I feel, the better I am in every way that matters: I feel happier, calmer, more rational. My emotions are better regulated, I work, sleep better, eat healthier, my social life blossomed, I exercise regularly, I can actually focus on my education... getting rid of my sexuality is practically a miracle drug, it has improved literally everything about my life.
I was getting these medications through the magical internet, and I know some of their side effects like increased risk of stroke. So last year I sought a doctor to help find a safer substitute. They prescribed estradiol and spironolactone, which, as best as I can tell, caused the greatest harm of my life. As my estradiol levels rose, my libido launched like a rocket, my body became immensely erotically sensitive, I even had a period where I was so sensitive that I almost had orgasms without any stimulation. I was near totally bedridden for about 3 months like that. When I went off the estradiol+spironolactone, my libido came back down. Later I switched back to the original EE+CA and my libido tanked, but while my erotic sensitivity has decreased, still some lingers. I almost never experience sensations absent of stimulation anymore, but some days my body is sensitive enough that exercises like biking or running are impossible. I have to be careful with the colder weather coming up, since even just my clothes brushing against my nipples can be erotically stimulating as well. Not to mention, my nipples tend to become erect in cold weather, which can be self-stimulating due to changes in skin tightness, as well makes them easier to stimulate accidentally. Not good.
So that brings me to surgery. I have been using lidocaine creams, and lidocaine+phenylephrine sprays, on nipples and penis, to render them insensitive, and that helps a lot, though not perfectly. I believe this indicates that the problem with sensitivity is 'skin deep', so my thinking is, if I didn't have nipples or a penis, or scrotal skin, then that should fix things; can't stimulate what isn't there, right?
I have been talking with my doctors about this, and have reached out to a few surgeons and therapists. I've only discussed top surgery so far, and the surgeons basically say, nipple excision is simple enough to do, they have experience with performing it, one has mentioned hearing that this procedure has been used to nullify erotic sensitivity, but all have said they have no experience with doing it for the purposes of nullifying erotic sensation. So that's why I'm reaching out on the internet, anyone who has had any gender confirming surgeries, and especially if you had such surgeries with the primary goal of losing erotic sensation, please tell me about your experience, please tell me what you know. Is it guaranteed to work? Is there any risk of surgeries increasing erotic sensitivity? What questions would you recommend I ask the surgeons, doctors, or therapists? Can you link me to any resources to help me make a better informed decision or possibly even something that might be useful for the surgeon to know?
Thanks again for any help! ❤
Mindustry is neat if you like tower defenses and factory/automation games.
[edit] Though this isn't exactly a game, I thought I'd mention it: The Powder Toy. Really fun physics-ish sandbox game if you like just playing around with little particles or making electronics or nuclear powered fireworks shows, etc.
Hmm per-syllable camel case, is that a thing? Sounds interesting! I might like that one lol
But yeah, am I able to use another casing style... the thing is, kinda yes? But kinda no. I think I basically can manage any style (Though not a fan of the underscore_style but hey, can do), it's really just compound words that trip me up. Like, consider white space width and strike through off set. I can keep every word in mind, but apparently whitespace is one word, and strike through might be two words, depending on who you ask. So to me, I think this is correct:
whitespace_width,
strikethrough_offset
But someone else might think it should be:
white_space_width,
strike_through_off_set
And yet a third person might do:
whitespace_width,
strike_through_offset
I just can't memorize which words are compound words, and which ones aren't, and I don't know how to tell without just knowing. I know what words go into identifier names, but when some of those words might be compound words, I get all messed up, which is a bit of an issue when working with other people's code.
Maybe in a way, my problem is that I memorize the names of things in a sort of "spoken" state; I "say" strike through off set in my mind, but capitalization doesn't affect speech, so if its 'strikethroughoffset' or 'StrikeThroughOffSet", my brain is gonna memorize it as just the 4 words, "strike through off set".
So in the end, the easiest thing I've found when working on my own projects is just keep everything lowercase, no underscores. The tiniest exception I might make is a singleton, but generally I think "If I have a collection of data and functions, and there will only be 1 instance of it, there's a name for that: A namespace" so I don't often employ those. (Maybe you can tell I have C/C++ in mind especially lol)
Was just casually checking out some videos from this voice coach lady... when suddenly I find out she's trans too! Kinda makes me feel inspired, with progress like that.
Was looking through some code today, and found something that highlights my biggest struggles in programming, it's compound words and casing. Had identifiers such as...
strikeThroughOffset whitespaceWidth lineSpacing underlineOffset outlineThickness
I can keep in mind "strike through off set", but then I struggle to remember, is it strikethrough or strikeThrough? What about Offset or OffSet? Why are offset, underline, and outline, all one word, but strikeThrough isn't? I think of it as one compound word, many people apparently do, but I guess someone who wrote this code doesn't.
Or... is this just a me problem? Does anyone else struggle with this sort of thing? Am I missing something or should I "just get good"? My best solution so far is just keep everything always lowercase, personally I find that more readable and memorable, but that's a lot to ask of literally every other programmer in the world...
EdriMareyemi @beehaw.org Yo it's me. Sometimes I like to program, and I like some anime. Nice to meet ya~