If you picked up communism for the same reason you picked up fascism, of course you just feel like red fash (Or whatever word you wanna use/identify with on the right-hand side). Ideology hopping is inherently reactionary, which is why we encourage people to read theory. Theory plants roots and can help you decide whether or not you actually believe this and why.

Ideology as an identity is just a form of liberalism anyway. It’s one that a bunch of us struggle with, but it’s liberalism nonetheless. Communism is not supposed to be a Good Belief worn like a sports jersey or a way for you to self-actualize. You can use a lot of theory similar to self-help, but it’s certainly not intended for that use.

I’ll say if you’re lacking community, organizing can be a valid and healthy way to gain that, but the point is and will always be to make people’s lives better.

Edit:

I think I’m just going to pick up reefer

You can do both, btw. Taking breaks from politics is fine and having hobbies is fine. Treating politics as a hobby isn’t very productive either. And I say that as someone who loves to sit around and talk politics with people

Edit 2: Just saw at the end that you said you’ve already a bit of theory. Definitely sounds like you need a break from the doomscroll. A lot of that shit is super dehumanizing and kinda promotes simple solutions to complicated conditions. Makes it that much harder thinking about climate change and/or packing infrastructure to organize. But we keep pushing forward to be a very small part of something very big.