Btw I’m here because blahaj is federated with you and this post came up in my feed, I didn’t seek this community out

I’m in semi regular contact with my former clients and with their family, everyone reports things going well and new friends being made 🤷‍♀️ If you mistrust us that’s your business and I’m sorry if you’ve had a bad experience. When things aren’t working out for 1 of us it gets called off because that’s how I choose to run my work. I’ve become pretty adept at reading body language and tone through my life around neurotypical because they frequently lie about what they’re thinking. All people show deception with the way they sit, their arm positions, facial expressions, head position, stimming, and you might be surprised to learn that autistic people use the same body language that everyone else does.

Yes they do speak, a lot started non verbal but this isn’t the case anymore and most of them make sustained and genuine eye contact. It takes months. Some can’t do it. That’s ok. At the end of the day the bedroom will always be there but rotting in bed is a pretty sad state to be in.

If you feel that I have come in here ranting then you have misread my tone. Sometimes people need to be given an invigorating “oi!” before they snap out of their funk, no not everyone and some need different approaches like logic (I love logic personally) or consistent soft praise but eventually they they come to realise the reason I had to become involved was because they couldn’t do it themselves.

And that’s ok.

But OP was ASKING for help and since I’m off clock and nobody is paying me nor will anyone find out my IRL identity I choose to give them “Oi! Logic though hey, hypothesis and experiment go”. Literally if you pay me you’ll get my on the clock opinion and treatment.

lol you act like an authority then use the word “handicap” to refer to people with disability THAT is ableist language nice start GG mods plz. Considering my clients are going outside again and have started making new friends on their own after they left my care gonna have to say they’re probably more interested in compromising with others than being upset about being told to change. It’s hard for everyone to accept they need to change, but if non verbal screen addicts can accept that and action it then it’s probably within the grasp of OP if they’re already able to speak well enough to attract a girlfriend.

Here’s some free advice for you: Go outside and make IRL friends with people who don’t have autism, you’ll quickly learn what an unreasonable demand is because the people you try to inflict them on will give you negative reactions. If you need assistance on learning what negative feedback looks like PM me and I’ll link you some tailor made resources that have turned lives around.

Do you seriously seriously believe that expecting people to NEVER communicate with you is a reasonable boundary? There no way I’d make friends with someone who expected that of me.

If you can’t handle 2 days of holidays then don’t go out for more than 2 days 🤷‍♀️ I had no access to fresh food on my honeymoon that lasted a !week! and I saw literal Nazis on the street daily. I cried every morning in the shower because the only thing the city has to offer me outside of processed hellscape was bags of mixed frozen vegetables, cup noodles, and eggs.

Am I upset and traumatised about it? Yes! Absolutely! But I got up every day, did my hair, took the time to cry about how what I was about to go through was going to be awful. I didn’t want to it. I hated being away from my routines and real actual nutritious food and my own pillow. But my husband wanted us to do this so we compromised and went while limiting the amount of time we were out.

Because that’s what adults do.

I love my husband just as much as I did before we left, because their happiness is something I’m willing to fight for. We’ve decided to only go away for 2 days at a time if we ever have the money to do that in future because that’s what works for me.

Also, thanks for calling me a nurse but they work so much harder than I do I’m just a humble untrained peer with disabilities that has similar life stories. Nurses wipe butts and change catheters and feed people, that’s so much more than I could ever do. The only thing I do is give my clients a set of behaviours they can model off and be guided through until they don’t need me anymore and show them they’re not alone and that they can and will find meaning in their lives.

They just have to go outside.

That’s not even what this comment says, I’m saying “don’t learn a niche language that nobody except Deaf people know because that won’t solve your issues with hearing people”

Sign languages are awesome, go learn them, but don’t be surprised and bitch about ableism when you find that nobody uses it and won’t learn a whole new language to talk to 1 person that also hates communicating with others. Like… C’mon.

I would’ve expected better from someone with the handle CaptObvious lol maybe you should take some of my TOP COMMENT advice and think about why everyone around you is toxic. Starting with a shoe check.

Go ahead and tell me to get fucked, you are literally just some name on a forum and I have plenty of fans. Including a husband. And disability clients that love my directness. So go ahead hahaha

Considering I’ve got a husband, a job in disability (my clients like that I’m direct btw and I’ve helped many people like OP), and friends that love me, I’m pretty sure I’m more of an authority on how to cope with life better than someone who takes “you need to change” as a personal attack in them.

Also mad stereotyping of us Blahaj people btw, did you know that some of us have disabilities that aren’t autism? And that we constantly have to put up with autistic people going “poor me poor me the world is so ableist IT MUST BE EVERYONE ELSE THAT IS THE PROBLEM” when told SORRY THIS EVENT HAS CLAPPING WEAR EARPLUGS IF THAT DISTRESSES YOU. There’s the social model of disability and then there’s the “everyone is wrong but me” attitude, OP is the latter and needs to compromise with others rather than lashing out at them for engaging in basic human behaviour like… checks notes … talking.

Like I get that this community is your big hug box but again I’ll say again what I said to the other user that replied to my comment, don’t ask for help and feedback if you aren’t willing to accept that the answer is sometimes “you need to change”.

I didn’t expect autistic people to reinforce bad habits of people asking for how to change but hey this is your space if you want a hug box then go for it but don’t ask for help if you aren’t ready for an uncomfortable answer

Don’t do this, spend time becoming accustomed to interacting with others so you don’t become dependent on a language that a tiny minority uses. If you speak less you’ll become less accustomed to it and it’ll become harder and harder until even saying yes or no becomes overwhelming

This is a terrible idea that is only encouraging OP’s avoidance. OP needs to compromise with others and accept that people need verbal interaction in order to maintain a friendship not completely ditch a vital part of human nature.

OP needs to change but this most certainly ain’t the way to go

I hate to be the 1 to break it to you, but if you can’t handle your best ever friend of 17 years talking to you or a girl that is in love with you wanting to spend time with you then there’s no point asking your therapist to help you find less toxic circles.

Every circle you enter will become toxic because of your demand avoidance.

This isn’t a them thing, it’s a you thing. YOU need to change, YOU need to find a way to cope with people being people that isn’t having a hissy fit and throwing yourself on your bed like a child.

What are they interrupting you doing? Gaming? Stop playing so many games and go outside. Masturbating? You had a girlfriend for that until you pushed her away. Staring at the wall? Again, go outside.

You wanted your friend so save up his ideas until you “seemed like you wanted to hear it” but did you ever actually set out for him what that “seeming” actually is or is this a case of later later later later WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT HAS BEEN 3 DAYS YOU JUST INTERRUPTED ME 5 MINS AGO. Did you give him a space and time to be himself or were you demanding strict adherence to a set of behaviours you knew he could never achieve so that you could be the person that looked aggrieved?

People don’t do consolidated conversation like you’re asking for, your expectation that someone would get an entire day’s worth of talking done then never interact with you again is the most unreasonable demand I’ve ever heard in my life.

YOU are the person who needs to change here not everyone else. YOU need to find a way to cope with things that are completely normal. Interactions are a 2 way street, it’s a compromise, a give and take. If you keep laying out these unreasonable demands on others don’t act surprised when you turn around in a few year’s time to find nobody left.

Learning sign language is a bad idea if you’re looking for a way to fix this, you need to confront the source of this rather than continuing to avoid it. If you decide “oh it’s too hard I’ll just give up” then even being out in public among people talking will become unbearable then you’re just isolating in your room forever because you refused to build the skills that would get you outside.

If you want to change, change. Accept that others WANT to interact with you and that’s just a normal part of friendship that you will just have to put up with.

Otherwise, stop expecting to have friends