Delay the duck-duck-goose game ad infinitum. Your classmates will be all the ducks and the nearest military person(?) will be the goose.

Imperialism is a paper duck.

"Thanks for not telling people you would've gone on a murder spree against the Romanov family during our time at the musical, honey. I know that took restraint."

Yeah, lol. OP could've just picked another time to go off. Real life isn't hexbear. (unfortunately) I can't go around saying Stalin did nothing wrong in public place filled with (what I assume are) mostly liberal people.

You probably should have elaborated a bit more instead of going, "yeah, I wouldve shot you, too"