So I'm going to a hair salon tomorrow. It'll be a day of firsts for me. It'll be the first time I've presented as fem in public somewhere other than at my therapists. It'll be my first time really doing anything fem in public. I'm stressed but excited. So to cope I'm trying on a bunch of different outfits right now to see what I like. I think I've settled on an outfit comprised of a gray teeshirt under a cute orange cardigan. I'm trying to decide if I should do the high waisted jeans I have, or a cute orange hippy skirt I like. I could do the skirt over the jeans or leggings if it stays cold and rainy like today. Decisions decisions
I love his vids! I haven't had a chance to watch his vamp vid yet tho.
I just scheduled my first hair appointment under my girl name and she/her pronouns. 
I've always hated getting my haircut, so I'm more than a little anxious about going. The salon is queer friendly, but it still took like an hour to work up the courage to schedule it. They even ask for pronouns in the booking interface.
Finally got an invite to the local trans discord group. Buuuuuut the discord isn't accepting new members and now the link is expired. 
Yeah they are hiring for a different location and I got recommended to the other location as a potential hire. It wasn't a case of stalking.
Their response was to ask me if everything was ok and made me pinky promise I wasn't looking for jobs. 
apply with chosen name
This is complicated at the moment. My boss recently found my resume on indeed. If he had found one with my chosen name, it would have been awful.
Is this because you think you won't be able to convincingly do it anymore or because you are wanting to stop?
A little of column A, a little of column B.
I'm also talking about a day that is still months or a year away. I guess I just never gave much thought to the fact that one day "dead name" will be dead.
applying with chosen name
This isn't an option at the moment. It's bad enough that my boss found my resume on indeed. If he had found one with my chosen name it would have been so much worse. Some day though.
Journaling, Navel Gazing
So I'm several hours away this week for work training. This is the same place I was at when my egg cracked back in January. It's really weird being back here since so much has changed. 6 months of HRT and a lot of therapy will do that I suppose. I spent a lot of time last night ruminating about the year so far, and the things to come. So I might as well journal my thoughts.
I can't believe the progress I've made. I have accomplished so much in my life this year so far. I've neglected so much for that last few decades and it feels good to get things done. On top of getting my life together, I also look so different and it's amazing. I have no idea how the cissies around me haven't noticed anything. Or maybe they have and just haven't said anything about it. I do worry about how much longer I can effectively boymode.
On the topic of boymoding, it really hit me last week that one day soon I'll boymode for the last time. That day is approaching and I'm sure I'm not ready for it yet. I barely go out in public in girlmode, though I am getting braver. I really need a new job before I can do anything major, since being outed at work would probably get me fired. Most of my coworkers, all of my management, and a lot of my customers are violently transphobic.
I've been applying for jobs like crazy. But I'm kinda on the fence about how to present for job interviews. I don't know if I should include pronouns in the resume, deadname and chosen name, or just use my chosen name. I am currently applying with just my dead name, and that's probably the easiest for the short term.
Outside of all of that, I want to start streaming regularly. I need to set a schedule and stick to it. I think that streaming will help me work on my voice, as well as help me with my general anxiety. I'm surprised at how anxious I get when I stream, or hang out on vrchat, but it is getting better.
Anyway, just want to end by saying I love all of you. 
I decided to finally mod in a female codriver into my favorite rally game. It's so much nicer than the robotic British dude shouting at me.
Dark chocolate. Even if its probably full of heavy metals, I'll still eat that garbage.
Genesis is such a good intro track too. Sets the tone for the whole album.
Tumble out of bed and I stumble to the kitchen Pour myself a cup of ambition And yawn and stretch and try to come to life Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumpin' Out on the street, the traffic starts jumpin' With folks like me on the job from nine to five
Workin' nine to five, what a way to make a livin' Barely gettin' by, it's all takin' and no givin' They just use your mind and they never give you credit It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it Nine to five, for service and devotion You would think that I would deserve a fair promotion Want to move ahead but the boss won't seem to let me I swear sometimes that man is out to get me Mmmm
They let you dream just to watch 'em shatter You're just a step on the bossman's ladder But you've got dreams he'll never take away In the same boat with a lot of your friends Waitin' for the day your ship'll come in And the tide's gonna turn an' it's all gonna roll your way
Working nine to five, what a way to make a livin' Barely gettin' by, it's all takin' and no givin' They just use your mind and you never get the credit It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it Nine to five, yeah, they got you where they want you There's a better life and you think about it don't you It's a rich man's game no matter what they call it And you spend your life puttin' money in his wallet Nine to five, what a way to make a livin' Barely gettin' by, it's all takin' and no givin' They just use your mind and they never give you credit It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it Nine to five, yeah, they got you where they want you There's a better life and you think about it don't you It's a rich man's game no matter what they call it And you spend your life puttin' money in his wallet
Oooo this is good. I've never listened to them so I'm definitely going to be checking this out fully when I get a chance. Thanks for sharing!
Yeah same. All my life people have said I look like my mom. All it took was 6 months of hrt to prove them right.
The cissies in my life are absolutely clueless. I can not imagine what they think when they see me. They must think this is just what I look like with long hair and a shaved face. But when I catch a reflection of myself, all I see is my mom.
in the form of an enamel pin.I just discovered that the hippie skirts I've been buying can also be used as a dress. They even have a little neck strap thing that I can tie into a cute bow. This is life changing information.
The drums and horns in this go so fucking hard!
No matter how shitty I'm feeling, this song always manages to get me pumped up and ready to take on the world.
This is for the like 4 people here that might be interested. I want to start a Hexbear Racing League and hotlap leaderboard. How I imagine the leaderboard will work is like this: post your system and game, the track, the car, and the track conditions. Then post proof of the lap time. I will curate the lap times into a spreadsheet/document that we can all see, and I will update it as new laps come in.
Other racers may then challenge your hotlap time. This will force people to use cars on tracks they may not be familiar with, but that's how we get better. Also, it's helpful to see how someone else's line affects their time.
I might also set up a discord if there is enough interest in it to facilitate the need. If we can get enough people interested in it, I would like to start a regular extremely low stakes live event for us to race against each other. I think this could be a fun way to meet some new people and have a good time.
So to start things off, here is my submission: PC/Assetto Corsa 1; 4:57 on the fan made Battenbergring in the Alfa Romeo 33 Stradale. Track conditions are dry with 100% grip. This isn't my personal best, but it's within a second of it and I didn't record that so I'm not submitting it. I need to work on my heel toe and I know I'm leaving time on the table around those hairpins and through the village.
Edited to post a link to the free download for the track https://www.racedepartment.com/downloads/battenbergring.51838/
Edit: Edit: There is a post in the comments that has a ping list, comment on it if you'd like to be pinged when someone submits a new lap or challenge to an existing lap.
And to clarify, please feel free to submit your own personal best on whatever track and whatever game. Just notate your system or console, the track, track conditions, the car, and the time. I'll keep track of them and I'm sure someone will want to try to beat it. I will need some kind of proof. A vid is best since then I get free racing content from some of my favorite people.
Wake [she/her, they/them] @hexbear.net I'm the poster formerly known as mehrunes_laser