I'm a 35M alcoholic and I recognize the cycle you're describing as nearly identical to what I went through. I've been sober for 5 years now but, when I was drinking and the people around me were hurting, I noticed that their attending Al-Anon meetings really, really helped them. Al-Anon is a support group of peope who share their experience related to the effects of problem drinkers in their lives.The folks at Al-Anon made my non-alcoholic wife (then girlfriend) feel less alone while going through what must have felt like an impossible situation. Al-Anon groups ask that you donate a dollar at each group session you attend, but attending them is free.

I learned some valuable lessons in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) that I still utilize to this day, although it's been a few years since I've attended a meeting. It sounds like AA might be a good place for your boyfriend to visit once he decides he's ready to try something different. But he doesn't have to go to AA in order for you to visit an Al-Anon group.

Good luck and please remember to take care of yourself as you're both going through this situation.