"Wait. Is this guy seriously saying that I can’t get laid? Incredible. “I will give you $5000 if you can get some poon tang before January 1st”? Do you have any idea who the fuck you’re talking to? When I got off Tinder because of the fucking quarantine, Tacoma wept. Even ignoring the fact that I have a girlfriend, even if we’re just talking like randos, I’m two hours away right now from being inside someone else. I have two skills— it’s non-monogamy and speaking publicly, okay? Do some fucking research!"