I like the article, but are we giving up on the difference between "quash" and "squash" or has that train sailed?
"Would" is a very confusing word in English. It can mean opposite things, but native English speakers don't usually notice how confusing it is.
"Would you?" can be a polite way of asking asking a question. "Would you like some coffee?" is basically the same as "Do you want some coffee?" but a little gentler. It implies more permission to say no.
You say yes to a "would you" question by saying "I would," or, "yes, I would."
EXCEPT
"I would" can also be a polite way of saying no. It means that the answer would be yes under some different circumstance. Someone might say "I would have some coffee, but I'm avoiding caffeine." This is like saying, "Under a different circumstance I'd gladly accept your offer."
So if I ask "would you like some coffee?" and you say "I would." That means yes. If you say "I would, but I just had some." That means no.
Many English learners find this extremely confusing, for good reason.
Beginning of COVID, wanting some way to spend time outdoors, I saw an ad for a small wood-fired pizza oven. Clicked it, liked it, ordered it on a whim even though it was $$$. It took my pizza game up a mile, looks cool, and has held up great. Legitimately one of my favorite possessions. 100% would click again.
I'm pretty sure by "type of ditching" OP means the water conditions. Ditching near the beach is often safer a roadway landing. The least safe is ditching in rough seas in the middle of the ocean, but even that has a surprisingly high survival rate. Pilots don't always know this, and sometimes give up, not knowing that if they glide the airplane carefully down to the water, their chances of living are pretty good.
Tell you what, I misread two letters in the title, and was 100% sure I clicked on an article about Dolly Parton driving a blood bank van. That's all. Carry on.
"Why is this man so dense? He never responds to the subtle clues I carefully place behind a veil of plausible deniability."
If you're trying to make a move without making a move, that might be the reason he's not responding. You're asking him to take on all the risk of misinterpretation. At some point somebody has to be overt. If you're presuming it should be him, you should ask yourself why you think that.