What is an event that altered you in some way?
What is an event that altered you in some way?
For better or worse. Small scale or large. Personal or shared. What is an event you've experienced that changed the way you act, live, feel, etc. It could be short-term or long. Share what you feel comfortable with. Triumphs and tragedies alike.
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Good question, it really got me thinking. And I was trying to come up with something not related to being trans.. but..
Quite frankly: hormone replacement therapy. I've been on and off a few times, and the results were clear and reliable.
Now, as my brothers, sisters, and brothersisters know, it doesn't magically solve all your problems. But it comes pretty damn close!
Let me try to explain the feeling. You know when you're down and you try to rely on a good friend, but suddenly they're not there? You shift your balance to lean on them, but suddenly there's just air and you fall over?
It was like that for me nearly every single day before hrt, but instead of with a friend, it was with myself. I am talking psychologically something was just missing. And trust me when I say I have tried a ton of medicine over the years, and none of it worked or just made things even worse.
And now, it's totally different. It's like having this psychological membrane that always pushes back up, no matter what shit I am trying to pull. Imagine being on a trampoline. You can make mistakes and the membrane will simply bounce back and push you back up. In other words I can eat crap, sleep badly, isolate myself, ignore my responsibilities, fall into a depressive hole for a day, and yet something in me just automatically pushes me back up. It's solid and reliable. I haven't had a single day without it and it isn't variable. It keeps surprising me over and over.
The funny part is that I am quite transphobic and self aware of that. I suppose we are all taught this attitude growing up in western culture. So whenever someone insults me, I totally get it, albeit that I find it rather unrefined behavior of them. I'm from a rural area in the bible belt, so I'm quite familiar with the white trash mindset. If they just wouldn't bike away all the time I'd be able to strike up a good talk with them. Simple truth is that I can't alter the facts and I have a male shaped skeleton.
Honestly, I think a lot of women worldwide would be glad to make some sacrifices to be able to live in my body. Sure, it has some downsides, for example I'll live shorter. But it provides me with safety, which is a major concern for women. I can walk around at night in the park just fine.
Well, that's just my personal experience. It's different for everyone.
To be honest, after working in a home - living longer doesn't seem all that great big picture. But also, thank you madam! I have been told a handful of times by friends and exes that it's much akin to finding that thing you're always missing. That's generally how I address it when people ask me on the subject. Although that's rarer and rare, the way things are nowadays. And it's funny, because there's a huge push for doing your own research. And I too believe in it, because you can get really screwed over trusting something at face value in a world where you're classified as a "consumer." But that's a different subject. I just wanted to say that I think it's really nice and poignant to be able to talk over things too. And be able to share experiences and help others through learned knowledge.
Transphobia is easy, because there's this disgusting knowledge that you can unlock at the click of a button seeing people being pig faced fuckers about transpeople as a whole. I was once flopping around in bed, curled up with my lappy and watching Soft White Underbelly. There was a transwoman who came out on there and it was the first time she ever went in public while being female presenting. And the slew of comments smashing this woman to pieces was not only horrifying but also disheartening. There were a couple of people in support, but the comments were just trash. And we live in a relatively accepting place (as compared to most I've been) - my partner and I. But we still get it from both sides. Dykes - who wanna do creepy "dyke offs" to see who can be the biggest fag on the block. Which btw is not my game, let alone my favorite. Or slurs galore being shouted. Especially when we go more towards Trump Country. Not my favorite either. And it's always that chicken shit shout-running stuff like you're talking about. But then again you can't reason with someone like that. There's something intrinsically broken within them that they need to fix (hopefully) somewhere down the line.
But either way, I am glad you're keeping up with your hormones. It's absolutely awful when you run out, because your body does the wobbles (as far as I heard) which can cause some truly awful side effects (panic attacks being one, depression being another). Yawn, I am getting too sleepy to think anymore. Gals already asleep and I'm meandering on da lappy. Either way I wanted to say glad you got to be yourself (cause I swear most transfolks find themselves hellllaaaa young but stuff that shit deep). And testosterone poisoning is awful (not that testosterone itself is - just when applied to transwomen against their internal will). But ultimately I hope you keep cultivating love for the body you're in. Not in the same place, but most def a poc. Growing up all I saw were skinny blonde white women being "desirable" in the media. I come to about nipple height most folks, and the curves came free of charge =P! Now I'm all grown up and love myself but growing up it was hard not to think there was something intrinsically wrong with my body because I could never look like aforementioned skinny blonde white woman (I'm talking rail thin and tall).
Speaking of which, on the plus side there's whole generations of individuals who will want to fuck you just based off your build if you're rail thin and tall. On the negative side, there's a lot of fetishism. But eh - this is all just a bunch of wordy soup by this point. Oh - one last thing. I do kindaaaaaaa get transphobic idealism in one sense. Gender is a social construct, but when I was younger I sure as fuck saw a lot of queers "sober up" into LUGS and what not. I'm not sure if this new gender revolution is actually going to stick - or be here to stay. But I will say that a lot of enbies I think have fucked up the bigger picture/message when it comes to mtf/ftms. They kinda watered down the issue, and made it seem less dire than the support needed really is. So I guess in that sense I am abso-freakin'-lutely transphobic myself. But idk. It's something I've kicked around in my brain-bin trying to figure out. But it's in the same way that I think the queer movement as a whole has sort of been offscounded with. But then again the Daughts of Bilitis believed strongly in the model minority idealism, that our only way to become normalized was to be normal. Not radicalize. Not make waves. And I am not really sure which half of our movements stuck, but I do know that the model minority myth is a bullshit one.
Okay, this absolutely was a bunch of goop. Gunna zzzp. Ty for posting and go in peace m'lovely!
In our social contract it is essentially a requirement to be 'missing something', and consequently to spend a near endless effort trying to fix that while only marginally succeeding. I kinda liked how hell boy 2 put that when describing the human race.
About women's bodies: I honestly rarely meet a woman who isn't insecure about her body. I honestly don't give much of a fuck, so somehow I always end up with the models, and let me tell you they are just as insecure. And to be fair this goes for guys too once you get to know them. It's honestly quite tiring.
One of the few people I met who was secure about her body was very obese. She totally swept me off my feet! Because it wasn't this half arsed 'ooh I'm so insecure what if you don't like me?' kinda bs I'm constantly served. I think she went through a lot of bullying and at some point just managed to put it behind her. She's definitely one of my inspirational figures.
Now regarding those chicken shit rednecks (not the amazing ones ofc), if something goes down there, I'll be inclined to fly my ass over there and put my pacifism on hold for a while.
Edit: Wow thanks for that video. I knew the channel but hadn't checked in a while. Really made me bawl my eyes out. Shared it with my network. Another amazing channel you might know already is Special Books by Special Kids. It's mister rogersesque.
Hahaha! Yo!! If this is TMI, my b! But legitimately I heard a gal say they got less play post op than pre. Cause people out here be fetishizing. I myself had to deal with some real weird ass shit my partner used to love to say about me and my ethnicity. I nipped that shit in the bud, and got her on the righteous path. She most def still has some shit to work on, but don't we all - and I love that woman like squisshhh (that's two hands on the side of the face pancaking). But yeah, I mean it's crazy the shit people have to deal with to be a "woman" so to speak. The beauty standards are off the chain. I am so unbelievably MAD lucky I got my mom's wispy allure cause my face and makeup? Never shall the two meet. But I got by okay. But man, exes of mine had to layer it on - do their hair, etc you know - just to pass. And like fuck passing, personally. But also like. Fucking passing. It's crazy because nobody wants to live their lives as a freak you know? Or at least, most people (some people wanna be freaky - that's cool). And being ostracized for something that you can tweak but ultimately have little control over is such bullshit. My ex used to say that French saying about beauty being suffering or whatever. Ugh.
But yeah, we're all just like little kids on the playground of life absolutely trying to be bigguns! It sounds funny, but I noticed it the most when I was working with the elderly. Because you just stop giving a shit about masking things when you're feeling a certain way and really there's little divide between a (bebe) -> b (grown ass adult) emotionally (at least in my opinion). It's the logic we apply that helps wrap up the loose bits. I often think about how Sandra Cisneros relates age to that of the layers of an onion. There's times when I have been brave in life, and there have been times when I absolutely shut down and doubled back to a big ol' cry baby. Especially since my body is seemingly trying to kill me =P!
But all things aside, self-acceptance isn't preached often. It is in a half-hearted way. But if you had a bunch of people who loved themselves I don't think this world would get a chance to pull of half of the things it does. And it's so important, and so easy to back-peddle on too. Such just keep loving yourself, and I think it helps it spread. And I don't mean in that Instagram way. Just you know - be yourself and go about your bits. You'll probably change more people than you know. Especially if you're trans-presenting in any way. But ALSO BE SAFE BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE ASSSHOLESSSSS!!!!
p.s. - new channel. Gunna check it out. xoxo!
I appreciate reading this as we don't get to hear everything our son is going through. He does try to explain, but others perspectives are very helpful. Please keep sharing.
I spoke with a lovely individual who's young son came out as trans only recently. And she said she was going through this whole mourning phase because of it. And while I am not a parent, and have not lived this experience I think it'd probably be pretty important to connect with other parents of trans individuals. Especially if your child is younger (as in, not an adult but a dependent). Because there's many levels of support you can offer depending on what you guys feel comfortable doing and what local laws look like. But also I think it's important to connect with others who can help you guys navigate through this as peers. Because they can help you in a way that no book, online article, or even your own loved ones can. Because they've been there, and are doing that. I'm not sure what you have locally, but I bet you there's support groups online if you cannot find one locally. The only other thing I could say in this department is it's important to not only love your kid but also advocate for them. Because a lot of trans living can be mental gymnastics. And it can deplete an individual raw, and unfortunately there is a higher rate of suicide with trans-youth as compared to their counterparts. And I'm not saying this is always the case, but it is something to be aware of. As for queer news, if you're interested in poking around - there's Them "Magazine" - which is really good about covering all spectrums of queer life including transpeople. Either way, way to be supportive. On the low-low and this is just some crunchy opinion stuff (sorry ladies ;_:!) it seems a lot easier for transmen to transition than transwomen. Which I think is mainly due to testosterone poisoning and women being held to higher standards of beauty societally. Not that any of it's a cakewalk, but I have seen things be easier long-term for the transmen in my life. They just kinda "dude up" get top-surgery and live queer lives.
That mourning bit peaked my interest. My father wrote me a letter in which he exclusively focused on me somehow dying or being in a far off country. That was so strange to me cuz I'm like 30km away 🤔
What she told me was that she (who is clearly a wonderful liberal and open human being and like 10/10 just absolutely WONDERFUL human being) had to mourn the death of her "daughter" because she now had a son. And even though logically she knew that it was what was right for him. That he was his own person, and that he had the right to choose. He was still young (dependent) and she did have some stipulations to his transition (in that she wanted him to hold off on hrt until he was 18 years of age). But this isn't a surprise in itself - as I have actually heard of many trans individuals of my generation coming out to their loved ones and being asked the same thing. And I know there is some science behind it in the sense that people say that getting it too early can be detrimental to one's health. But likewise, I haven't seen a young transperson who was on treatment who wasn't just happy and healthy.
But it's not really my place to talk, as I myself am technically "trans" (genderqueer) but absolutely do not believe I belong to the circle of individuals who need far more support than I. That's not to say I am a separatist. I just think people like me dilute the brand so to speak. I'm am who I am, and I am not in a space of flux. Mind you, I've gotten the short end of the stick a handful of times due to gender-politics I can mostly hold my own against the battle for my very existence. BUT! I totally got lost here. I guess I'll state that I have been doing gender-play since I came out around twenty-years ago. My best friend and I are both queer as hell, so I've always been the mister of our dynamics and he the missus. But also gender is stupid, because we were playing with it (hence the genderqueer) but I cannot tell you how many times I got the "who's the man?" question whenever I was dating someone and half the calls came from inside the building. (So fuck gender rolls!)
BUT! Back to the mourning. She just basically expressed (and I have a strong belief that most individuals alive will have their strongest primal connection to their mothers as long as it's formed because I think the entire process is incredibly taxing and very primal and enforces strict bonds between the mother and the child) that she felt like she had lost her daughter. And that she felt like it was akin to her daughter dying. And you know how parents have dreams and expectations for their kids, I am guessing those had to dry up (as I have seen it happen in my own space). And that she had to now meet up with her son - who has been here all along, but in hiding. And has to basically learn someone new, regardless of the logic being that her son was always himself and the daughter was the mask. Because emotions don't give a toot about logic. But I can say that I lived through something similar (yet less radical) when an ex of mine told me he was trans. I've dated transfolks across the spectrum, but I was taken aback by this. It kinda blindsided me. And logically, I know he's trans and people are who they say they are and I respect that. It just seemed so out of left field for me, and I had to sort of mourn who he was (didn't tell a soul until now -hi internet!) even though I was full-steam ahead for him - because I want to be supportive with the people I love.
You must be going through a lot.
When it comes to parenting all I can say is that there is no way you won't screw up. What really matters is to have these moments of genuine unconditional love, and they'll take that with them into the world.
I'd recommend giving the series Pose by FX a try. It's the only media I have ever watched that managed to express what gender dysphoria is like to people who don't experience it.
Feel free to ask questions. If it is more comfortable to you, I am also available for pm on matrix.
Not at all, seriously, we are all in a good place now. Our son went through alot, and we went for the ride as well, but the medical & government sponsored support in Spain is absolutely amazing...the first big boost was when his name changed and he got the official paperwork stating so, before even the US gov.
I just like to get more insight without being overbearing and intruding on his privacy. I appreciate pist like yours and others and really judt wsnt to encourage others to share as well!
Love to you all!
Nice! You must have seen Veneno?
I'm actually building a bicycle rn to cycle from the nl down to you guys!
Our kids were just in NL on a trip up north, what a beautiful country!
Bring sunscreen!