There was at least one “JD Vance did not have sex with a couch” headline that had to be changed, because how could anyone possibly know whether or not someone has fucked a couch? Journalistic integrity dictates that you only make statements like that if they can be backed up by facts. I could be fucking my couch right now and no one would ever know.
I could be fucking my couch right now and no one would ever know.
To which I asked for an OnlyFans link so my buddy JD Pants could watch. But apparently I laid it on a little thick and obscured the joke. Everything always makes more sense in our own minds.