'Uber for Armed Guards' Rushes to Market Following the Assassination of UnitedHealthcare CEO
'Uber for Armed Guards' Rushes to Market Following the Assassination of UnitedHealthcare CEO
I'm not sure they've thought this through... If CEOs start hiring armed guards, then doesn't the next Luigi just become one? Uber-like services aren't exactly known for their stringent hiring practices.
Shhhh 🤫
This isn't for CEOs. This is for people with more money than sense who are also paranoid as fuck. CEOs can afford to hire security that they can run thorough background checks on.
Luigi didn't really have a background that would have flagged him.
He also didn't have a background in security.
It's literally being marketed to them...
From the article:
Who is this for, you might ask? A video posted on January 6, 2025, that runs just over two minutes gives the game away. It opens with a photo of assassinated UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson. “We’re going to run through a scenario to demonstrate, where if a Protector had been present, crisis could have been averted,” the Protector says in the video. He then runs through several fantasy versions of the assassination where a Protector is on hand to prevent the assassin from killing the CEO.
Also,
This is for people with more money than sense who are also paranoid as fuck.
You've just described CEOs.
No, it's literally being marketed to paranoid people.
Do you honestly think CEOs of major corporations would stoop to hiring their security through a non-vetted app?
Absolutely. Almost no CEO would've had a security detail before now. Also, minimising costs is their lifeblood. They'll definitely be using this.
Your average paranoid Joe can't afford to hire some goons to hang around him. And the people on the board of investors don't need celebrity like CEOs do, so they're largely unknown to the public, so don't need this service.
I'm sorry... you think CEOs would be cheap with protecting their own lives? These are people who own multiple mansions and have collections of sport cars.
And of course no CEO would have one before now. No one was suggesting otherwise. But now they do. And there are already companies out there they can hire that have vetted, experienced people who come heavily-armed and highly-trained, so why would they use this app?
I'm sorry... you think CEOs would be cheap with protecting their own lives?
Quite literally, yes. Their commitment to being as cheap as possible is pathological. Not frugal, cheap.
I don't understand how one can have multiple mansions and luxury cars, and then we get into things like the tailored suits and the fancy dinners, and also be cheap. That fits no definition of the word 'cheap' I know.
I know, it's a bit counterintuitive. But look at the Cheeto as a prime example. He's one of the biggest cheapskates around. He'll try and get out of paying for anything he possibly can. It's all slash and burn tactics with these people. It's all they know. They don't care if their bodyguards are from temu, because they're largely just for show.
He doesn't try to get out of paying for things he wants.
A lot of CEOs have had security teams for ages. Like UHC said themselves, they get death threats all the time.
Yeah like my first thought was well the next Luigi can get paid to be given the adress to show up to.
The beauty of Luigi's* escapade is that they had no fucking clue who he was until they arrested him - over a hundred miles away in fucking Pennsylvania. If he had committed to the bit and put more thought into the getaway he probably could have gotten away with it completely.
You get hired by this service, they will have all your personal info and that will get handed over to authorities immediately if you went rogue. You would be an FBI top 10 fugitive and have millions of dollars spent on bringing you in, warm or cold.
*allegedly, innocent until proven guilty, etc.
All your personal info, assuming you didn't fake any of it.
How thoroughly are they going to check that stuff?
Gig economy businesses rely on disposable work force. The deal they're offering is horrible for their "employees," but because they only pay for the work that actually gets done they can afford to just hire every applicant and let them fight among themselves for a limited amount of available work.
Stringent application controls and serious background checks are anathema to that business model.
This service isn't for CEOs, it's for upper middle class people with recency bias.
Rich don’t mean smart