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Yes, it is the child's fault for not attending to the emotional needs of the parent. How may I serve you today, my liege
There's a weird inconsistency where kids are supposed to always defer to their parents and also expected to be independent. Like, what the fuck.
Both of those things are about centering the parent. If a parent is insistent on their child deferring to them, the desire for their child to be independent is based on their own desire to not have to do that labor anymore.
This mixed messaging -- along with threats of violence or emotional manipulation if deference doesn't occur -- is what created my disorganized attachment with caregivers. Turns out it's not good parenting to do that, who knew
I feel this. I hope you’re managing to heal from that. Attachment issues are difficult to contend with.
