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Aren't you a little old for juice with a straw?
Cut the top off that thing and drink it like a man.
Just flip that thing over and stab it in the butt. That's the way true Capri-Sun OGs have been doing for decades.
Set it on a table and plunge the straw into the middle of the pouch like you're performing a ritual sacrifice.
Toss the straw and bite your way into the sack like a real man
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