Trans Megathread for the Week of 10/14 to 10/20
Trans Megathread for the Week of 10/14 to 10/20
(i ripped this off wikipedia real fast so sorry if it's lib)
In October 1776, the Public Universal Friend contracted an epidemic disease and was bedridden and near death with a high fever. Their family summoned a doctor from Attleboro, six miles away, and neighbors kept up a death-watch at night. The fever broke after several days. The Friend later reported that [deadname redacted] had died, receiving revelations from God through two archangels who proclaimed there was "Room, Room, Room, in the many Mansions of eternal glory for Thee and for everyone". The Friend further said that [deadname redacted]'s soul had ascended to heaven and the body had been reanimated with a new spirit charged by God with preaching his word, that of the "Publick Universal Friend", describing that name in the words of Isaiah 62:2 as "a new name which the mouth of the Lord hath named".
From that time on, the Friend refused to answer to their deadname, ignoring or chastising those who insisted on using it. When visitors asked if it was the name of the person they were addressing, the Friend simply quoted Luke 23:3 ("thou sayest it").ā Identifying as neither male nor female, the Friend asked not to be referred to with gendered pronouns. Followers respected these wishes; they referred only to "the Public Universal Friend" or short forms such as "the Friend" or "P.U.F.", and many avoided gender-specific pronouns even in private diaries. When someone asked if the Friend was male or female, the preacher replied "I am that I am", saying the same thing to a man who criticized the Friend's manner of dress (adding, in the latter case, "there is nothing indecent or improper in my dress or appearance; I am not accountable to mortals").
editorial note: I think this is a very cool story and I really love hearing it. We've been around forever and we've been doing variations of this forever. It's really beautiful
Join our public Matrix server! https://matrix.to/#/#tracha:chapo.chat
As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
You're viewing a single thread.
bad weekend
bad weekend. feel dogpiled. couldn't focus, feel further from my authentic self than I have in a while.
i feel like i'm on the outs. this is the only place i've felt comfortable talking about queer stuff so far and of course i piss in the pool
Idk if I'm anyone. idk who I'm supposed to be. I feel further from any identity than I did 3 days ago.
bought some capris, so that was nice
gonna be a little bit honest here
for what it's worth, i think you may be overreacting a little. like obviously you said a thing people didn't like and it is what it is but people here are more understanding than you're giving them credit for. nobody is gonna alienate or ostracize you for having brainworms about some stuff. i read bullshit people post on here and raise an eyebrow almost every day but i don't think i would deny anyone a space over anything besides like outright transphobia. i think a good first step is forgiving yourself and the people involved and trying to move past it, otherwise it's just gonna keep eating at you
spoiler
I probably am overreacting. I just am at an impasse with myself. I take up no space so others can feel comfortable, I go out of my way to do so. I don't want to take up space meant for others or inconvenience anybody. Nobody ever indicated that there was a problem with this.
I'm paranoid about my behavior as someone who is currently male-presenting. The last thing I want to do is make people uncomfortable. I've seen chauvinistic men who don't understand when to leave someone alone and I don't want to do that. I've been the guy who can't take a hint, it's better to just never put people in that situation.
Like I know I'm in an Error State, but how do I trust myself to do anything in that case. As an error, everything I do is of error. I want to know that I'm good and that I don't have to rethink everything. Why will nobody give me this
soiler
As someone who is discovering their autism and gender neutrality two-fold, the amount of social cues I'm expected to just intuit is disgusting.
Nobody is ever gonna read this but it feels like there are specific hoops I have to go through to find acceptance and nobody tells me them unless I do something wrong. Everything I do is a mistake and every mistake makes me feel like I am beyond redemption. I only wish I had someone to challenge this, someone to help me make sense of anything. I want to know that I am Good and not In Error so I can move on with my life. When every move you make leaves you in shame, you just want someone to tell you that you aren't In Error and that the world still makes sense. I want to be Good but everyone keeps telling me my thoughts are bad
Am I a freak? If so, why does nobody say, what if he were less freaky? Why is it 100% on me to change myself. Why, when the world traumatized me and shut me out, do I have to go find the world and beg for more? When does someone decide to be nice to me?
I know I'm fucked up. That's why I want someone to help. If i thought I could make normal fucking friends I goddamn would. If I thought I could just detach it, I would. If I thought I could approach people without wanting to drown, I would. No amount of honesty about myself is connecting to people. Because we'd be connected if there was a connection. We'd already be having conversations. And we aren't. That's how I know it isn't working. There isn't a "ooh have faith and people will start to warm up to you" everyone just thinks I'm a boy and I fucking hate it
smoiler
like how do I move forward if nobody helps me move forward, I don't understand why/how I'm supposed to cobble together my own understanding when everyone else here has the same understanding . If I had your books I would read them
Because as long as I have to do things all by myself that's only really going to reinforce that I have to do everything by myself . How much am I supposed to give into the individualism of capitalist society? I thought we were supposed to depend on each other and help each other grow and learn. Do we seriously owe nothing to one another as human beings?
you guys all help each other understand and share memes and have fun. I just want to be like that but you're making me feel like I'm too soft. like I somehow don't deserve it. I have to beg and ask for kindness that everyone tosses around freely
stoiler
I could do and be so much for someone if they only expressed it. If they only asked me. I can help, I can care, I can do so much. But nobody needs me. I don't know who I matter to. I don't know if anybody likes me. There's so much I would do for a minute of approval. I have so much passion and love to share, but nobody takes the time to know me. Even here, I post stuff and it just goes unnoticed. It's like other people are better at being queer and autistic.
Maybe everyone else has it figured out. Maybe nobody else was angry when they saw how much of their life was a lie. Maybe nobody else cares that they look in the mirror and see a different person. Because until someone looks me in the eyes and tells me that they see me, that we are in this together, that they see the world in half the way that I do, I don't know how to trust anyone as far as I can throw them. I don't think that anyone knows or cares that I'm questioning. Because you don't ignore someone when you think they're in a bad place and when you know that they're going through something that alters the fabric of their reality.
spoiler
I remember joining the matrix chat and killing the vibe every time I typed things š that should've been a sign to me that I was not critical enough of the site. the same thing happened to group chats I was in in college. I don't even know! I typed the same kinda of stuff as everyone else, it just never landed. But uh, don't tell me we're all on equal footing, because I'm aware that people laugh at me
I also get confused when people don't reply to my comments. It's like, what the hell? I typed all that and you just moved on. I see the people I'm talking to move down the thread! It's crazy. Hello? We were having a conversation! I only don't reply if I'm having a panic attack or asleep or dissociating tbh
If someone tells me to shut up, I'll shut up. If someone tells me to get therapy, I'll get therapy. If someone tells me to pretend to be a boy until it gets bad again, I might even do that. I'm like the opposite of those people who need to be convinced that they came up with something. I need someone to really sell me on their idea or else I won't do anything. But if nobody tells me anything, I assume that ideas are just never going to approach me again.
And that's not me being pwecious or whatever. I do think I'm susceptible to cults and extremist movements specifically due to my trusting nature. That's why I'm trying to get help with my transition here and not on a right-wing forum
Does that make sense? Is this anything?
piss
I, for one, will gladly keep swimming in the piss pool with you. The only person you're supposed to be is who you want to be. Figuring that out is often very difficult, even for cis people. Many give up and just latch onto one of the mainstream "cool" style/personality combos. They're performing gender just as much as a closeted trans person and I think a root cause of transphobia is the idea that a person can just "do what they want" shatters their entire worldview.