WTF is this email even? [Solved]

You would think spam would at least make sense.

It's usually the opposite actually, to filter out anyone who might get savvy to the scam later on. Anyone who would be deterred by typos or weird inconsistencies would probably flake out when asked to send gift cards, download suspicious executables, etc., meaning the scammer would have wasted their time getting to that point. They only want the most gullible users, and anyone who follows through on really poorly written scams usually falls into that group.

In this case, I wouldn't be worried though -- looks like regular spam.