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i feel like this is my default state.
I still don't know how i feel about it. Am i a dumbass who can't communicate? Are others just fucking stupid? Who knows!
Neither. They expect us to figure out and speak in the flowery language and codes that they use, and get upset when we can't, when I feel like it would be easier for them to just -listen- to what we're saying, because it's usually in black and white.
Even as a neurotypical person, I ain't got time for that shit. Don't be using code phrases or softened language around me. If you have something you want to communicate, it's on you to meet sure your understood. It's not on me to infer your meaning.
it's on you to meet sure your understood
ಠ_ಠ
Haha! Yes! You found my Easter egg! Good job!
~God fucking damn it~
It's not on me to infer your meaning.
Yes it is??
Not when you're speaking in code...
nuance kinda important tbh
It becomes pretty clear on why those things are important when you're on the receiving end usually. What other kind of things do you mean by that?
Not 100% sure what you're asking, but I think it's about the flowery language and "code"?
Yeah I mean like examples
I'm just really direct, and get told I need to consider how I say things... The only example coming to mind is something I don't really want to talk about openly on Lemmy. I'll give a vague represantation though
(My statements are verbatim, the replies are paraphrased)
I'll say "You didn't do XYZ." - They say "But I have done X"
Next time I try "Have you done XYor Z?" - Then I hear "Why are you interrogating me?"
"What have you done?" - "Why are you being accusatory?"
Those are all plain and simple black and white questions. I have yet to figure out the code I was supposed to speak.
Those examples are from the same person, but I get this reaction from most people when I ask simple questions
I can give you bit of an interesting perspective. I'm a sales/relations manager, and I also have a few autistic employees. When they call for my help over the radio, just like everyone else, they can say the same things word-for-word but it can still come across as much more annoying then others. It'll be loud, bad timing, not aware of what else is going on or what I'm doing, etc. Now I'm fully aware they're not trying to do anything wrong, and they have no idea why the small little things they do are annoying, and I don't fault them or anything, but the small mannerisms can be annoying lol.
I've also been on the other side as well, where everything gets interpreted the worst way (and often this still happens to me). When I got promoted into my position, I came in with 0 experience and so I have to ask the people who I'm their boss of, and who they lost their promotion to, basically how do I do their job. Of course that does not garner a lot of respect, so they basically hated me instantly and so a lot of what I did was interpreted as very negatively. Several months in now, I have mostly new staff that has only known me as a manager and I'm much more competent. I still speak the same way, since I wasn't really incorrect before, but because these people hated me initially, it's like their perception was immediately poisoned and everything I said was taken to be much worse.
It's basically a non stop struggle for everyone, but obviously to various degrees. That's why it's good to be charitable to people and assume the best intentions, since miscommunication like this is inherently an unavoidable issue. Autism is just like that but with a exp gain debuff. I guess try not to fault the people who "code" and flower their language too much, as they try to do that to fix miscommunication and those help avoid those small unbiases that poison our language. Which ironically, them doing that here is creating the poison for you lol.
Thanks for the insight. It'll be something to keep in mind going forward.
The place I experienced this the worst was a job where I was in a leadership position, lol. (I have since come to the conclusion that I'm not the leader type)
when I feel like it would be easier for them to just -listen- to what we’re saying, because it’s usually in black and white.
i find i often just make sure people understand the thing that im talking about, so that it's hard to misunderstand what im about to talk about. The side effect is that they learn about something that they may not have intended to, but are going to.
Both, I think. The fact that you're here on lemmy tells me that you probably care about how shit works, which makes you an outlier, and it's likely others who are stupid relative to you. On the other hand, you're probably a dumbass who talks with people like peers and doesn't know how to communicate with stupid people, or how to manage your expectations as stupid people will always misunderstand things no matter how good your communication skills are.